(Note: Maybe tomorrow I'll have something awesomely exciting to report, because I get to see two of my favorite people--Jo and Destiny!)
So, if you know me, you may know that I pretty much worshipped my big brother, Chris, when I was little. I can't explain it, but I thought he was the best thing ever. He was 7 years older than me and treated me like I was the best sister God could ever conjure up for him. We also ganged up against Kevin together, which seemed to somehow strengthen our bond.
|He looks innocent enough|
|He doesn't always wear women's tank tops|
but when he does, he makes them Flat Stanley tank tops
There was one in particular where my family and my mom's best friend, Pam's family took a joint vacation. Naturally, Chris wasn't invited. For that vacay, we drove to Ohio--I think, I was very young--to go to Sea World and King's Island and the zoo and general other family vacation stuff. It was a blast, but I couldn't help but think of poor Chris back home all alone and yearn to get back to him.
The night we got back home, Mom was doing her usual home-from-vacation routine where she dumped out suitcases and washed every piece of laundry we took. Dad was probably "resting his eyes" in his recliner, and Kevin and I were glued to the TV watching some stupid sitcom, I'm sure. Chris had been out with friends or working or whatever teenagers did in the '90s and returned home to greet us. I was ecstatic to see him. He announced that he had gotten me and Kevin some candy while we were away. Presumingly because he missed
|The GOOD kind of fish candy|
Without even considering it, tears began streaming down my face, and I began to wail, my fish breath covering everything in sight. Mom instructed me to rush to the bathroom and brush my teeth as she began yelling at Chris to find out what he'd done. As it turns out, Chris had discovered trick candy in our familial absence and thought it would be hilarious to trick Kevin and I into eating. His lone excuse was, "I didn't think she'd eat it, I thought Kevin would!" (As if that might make my parents go, "Ooooooh, okay. No biggie.")
|Ew. Just the thought of it turns my stomach.|
|Clearly, he still feels guilty|
To this day, I still cannot use blue Crest toothpaste or chew Cinnaburst gum (in fact, that may be why they took it off the market--too fishy).