Monday, July 30, 2012

A Fishy Treat

So because my life is a super boring blob filled with work, I have decided to make this week flashback week. This week I will be recounting things that happened to me in the past and hoping that you will think they're as funny as they were. Even if I didn't think they were funny at the time.

(Note: Maybe tomorrow I'll have something awesomely exciting to report, because I get to see two of my favorite people--Jo and Destiny!)

So, if you know me, you may know that I pretty much worshipped my big brother, Chris, when I was little. I can't explain it, but I thought he was the best thing ever. He was 7 years older than me and treated me like I was the best sister God could ever conjure up for him. We also ganged up against Kevin together, which seemed to somehow strengthen our bond.

He looks innocent enough
My love for him was a little ridiculous. Like if he did something that warranted a spanking, I would fess up and say that I did it and please spank me instead of him. Even things that my parents knew for certain could not have been committed by me. My parents would plead with me to please stop taking up for him. (Incidentally, I'm guessing Chris thought it was pretty alright.) And because he was a teenager when I was a small child, I would wait up for him at night to get home from hanging out with his friends so we could chat or he could play guitar for me or really just so I could say goodnight as he passed through my room. Chris was my hero.

He doesn't always wear women's tank tops
but when he does, he makes them Flat Stanley tank tops
Now, for some reason, when we were younger, we were always taking family vacations without Chris. I'm not sure if it's because he has worked every day of his life since the ripe ole age of 11 and couldn't take off work for family vacations or if he stayed back because partying was way more fun without the threat of Mom and Dad catching him or if his chronic foot odor was so bad that we couldn't bear to be in the same hotel room with him. But I distinctly remember many, many years and many, many vacations without Chris.

There was one in particular where my family and my mom's best friend, Pam's family took a joint vacation. Naturally, Chris wasn't invited. For that vacay, we drove to Ohio--I think, I was very young--to go to Sea World and King's Island and the zoo and general other family vacation stuff. It was a blast, but I couldn't help but think of poor Chris back home all alone and yearn to get back to him.

The night we got back home, Mom was doing her usual home-from-vacation routine where she dumped out suitcases and washed every piece of laundry we took. Dad was probably "resting his eyes" in his recliner, and Kevin and I were glued to the TV watching some stupid sitcom, I'm sure. Chris had been out with friends or working or whatever teenagers did in the '90s and returned home to greet us. I was ecstatic to see him. He announced that he had gotten me and Kevin some candy while we were away. Presumingly because he missed me us so much. Kevin took the candy and dismissed it immediately. (It was very unexciting candy. Some lemon-dropish type hard candy wrapped in red cellophane.) But, I, thinking that it was the best possible thing that could have happened that Chris greeted us with candy, popped it into my mouth without a second thought, showering him with thanks and love.

The GOOD kind of fish candy
Fast forward about thirty-two seconds when I bit into the lemon candy. Suddenly, a repulsive thick black fluid began to seep from the candy and into every single pocket of my mouth. A horrid, strong fish taste leaked into my mouth quicker than I could get it out, which I was trying to do into my hand, into the sink, onto the floor, wherever I could put it that didn't involve being in my mouth. As this putrid candy came hurling out of my mouth, my family began to question--loudly and in a frenzy--what could possibly be wrong with the candy, as a single solitary snicker bellowed from Chris's half-smile, half-smirk.


Without even considering it, tears began streaming down my face, and I began to wail, my fish breath covering everything in sight. Mom instructed me to rush to the bathroom and brush my teeth as she began yelling at Chris to find out what he'd done. As it turns out, Chris had discovered trick candy in our familial absence and thought it would be hilarious to trick Kevin and I into eating. His lone excuse was, "I didn't think she'd eat it, I thought Kevin would!" (As if that might make my parents go, "Ooooooh, okay. No biggie.")

Ew. Just the thought of it turns my stomach.


Clearly, he still feels guilty
Despite every attempt at brushing the taste out of my mouth, I continued to cry and breathe and taste fish with every swallow and breath. Chris always had Cinnaburst (do they even make that anymore?) gum with him, and we always begged for a piece and never got one. As a peace offering, Chris rushed to his room to grab some Cinnaburst to help banish the taste. Tearfully, I accepted the offering, but even that wasn't enough to rid my mouth of the horror. I can't remember exactly, but I'm pretty sure I cried myself to sleep that night. Not only out of fear that I might forever smell like and taste fish in my mouth, but also because my sweet, sweet, big brother had sabotaged me.

To this day, I still cannot use blue Crest toothpaste or chew Cinnaburst gum (in fact, that may be why they took it off the market--too fishy).

The Post That Never Was

(Note: This blog was supposed to be posted yesterday, but my ADD kicked in, and I never hit publish. Or bothered to look for any pictures for the post.)

I know how much y'all love my long, rambling Sunday posts, so I thought I'd work up a real doozy for you today. There are so, so many things I should have done in my time off Friday, Saturday, and today. So I have--instead of actually doing them--chronicled them all here for you. And for your reading enjoyment, listed what I actually did instead.

Things I Should Have Done:

--The dishes that were piling up in the sink since Wednesday. If you remember, we cooked for three Wednesday evening, then I worked for a million hours on Thursday, so since then, the dishes have been piling up and collecting water since we continue to run water in the dish-filled sink.

--Put away some (okay, probably all) of the laundry sitting in the FIVE bins full of clean laundry in our bedroom. I really, honestly don't mind to do the laundry. It's just putting it away in our FOUR closets that I hate. Especially since most of the clothes that need to be hung up are mine and my huge spare room closet doesn't have an air vent and is blistering hot. Also because it's so cramped and crowded in there that I can barely fit in to hang stuff up. And CD insists on coming in with me every time I go in there. If I wasn't completely mortified of how it looked, I'd include a picture so you could get the full effect, but then I'd be so ashamed that I'd never blog again.

--Clean our bathroom. I can't even continue to talk about it, it needs to be cleaned that much.

--Organize my office. I just continue to pile stuff up on and around my desk. It's so bad that I no longer sit at my desk to work. I just pull my laptop to the bed. Which also has clothes piling up on it.

--Clean the clothes off the bed. Most days, I pile my gently worn clothes at the top post of my side of the bed. They are starting to take over my pillow, so they definitely need to be moved.

--Work. I could do any number of things to catch up/get ahead of paperwork. I've done none of it this weekend.

--Grocery shop. The door to the fridge is now closing just fine. Which means I feel compelled to buy more food.

--Washed our sheets. It's really only been a few days since they were washed last, but I have gotten in them with sunscreen and/or bug spray on. And that grosses me out.

--Clean out the Escape. Now that the Camry is pristine (thanks 100% to Joel, because I basically stood around whining about mosquitos while he cleaned it), the Escape looks terrible inside.

--Lots of other things that I'm ignoring or avoiding, simply because I don't want to do them.

Things I Actually Did:


(Friday)


--Laid in bed way too long Friday morning. What can I say? It was my day off.

--Caught up on blogs I'd been too busy to read throughout the week. If you haven't yet read Jamie's journey to having her sweet Micah in her life, read it here. Have tissues handy.

--Blogged a bit myself. Also, I found out that my friend Amanda spent two whole hours reading my blog on Friday. I'm ignoring the fact that she's in Wisconsin, and there may not be tons to do other than read some girl's blog. I'm still super stoked about it. (That may be the first and only time I have/will use the word stoked.) So shout out to Amanda!! Also, I found out Joel's dad reads my blog! Shout out to him not only for reading my blog, but also for producing a person who puts up with my crap every single day.

--Had lunch with my friend, Elizabeth. It was so awesome to see her and catch up and hear how great things are going for her. I'm so happy for her and no one deserves it more than she does!

--Spent a little time with sweet, baby Jovie. When I walked in the door, she said, "Hi, Casi!" Pretty amazing. Then she told me that she really likes to eat candy instead of her mom's roast, and that her daddy will be sleeping in the crib in her room and not, in fact, her baby sister who still lives in her mom's belly. And then I tried to steal her, but Stephanie caught me and made me give her back. (Note: I will also try this with the new baby.)

--Took my cousin Stephanie (Jovie's mom) out for 30th birthday ice cream. I'm actually about a week late, but I have this crazy busy job and Stephanie has a job AND two and half kids, so we finally got around to spending time together for her birthday. And what do you do for a preg for her 30th? ICE CREAM. (Notes: I ate way more ice cream than she did, and I'm not preg. And this is my reminder that my 30th is a little over 6 months away. Steph handled her's gracefully. I may not. She said she'd feel much better about her 30th birthday if she weren't preg, and I said, strangely, I feel the exact opposite.)

--Went to TJ Maxx to return a $12 shirt. Accidentally bought five more shirts and a dress. And replaced the other shirt I returned with the right size. Oops.

--Went to our friend, Jason's cookout. That was super fun, and the weather was amazing, and we sang songs for hours. I did not, however, grace everyone with the gift of my singing voice. Mostly because my head was pounding, and I didn't want theirs to be as well.

(Saturday)


--Went to lunch (at the same place I went Friday) with Carrie and her parents. Waited over an hour for our pizza. Wanted to eat two pieces but was embarrassed to be the only one who ate two. I later found out someone else at the table ate two pieces then was so pissed that I missed out on my second piece.

--Laid at the pool with Carrie and burned tanned just the left side of my body, because we were too busy talking to worry about where the sun was and where our sunscreen was and when we should turn.

--Came home to see that the stinky dishes had set so long that Joel did them. Sent him a text praising this gesture, because, frankly, they probably still would have been sitting there.

--Snuggled with CD. Did not share my mozzarella cheese sticks with him, but did share my ice cream with him.

--Watched the Bachelor Pad. Why? Because the Bachelorette is over.

--Slept for 14 straight hours. I can't explain it other than my body is probably exhausted from having a pounding headache for like six straight days that I can't get rid of despite the hundreds of Ibuprofens I've been taking.


(Sunday)

--Woke up with a terribly sore throat. Asked Joel 100 times if I have a fever, as if somehow my high temperature will justify my crappy feeling. Because he's wonderful and puts up with it, he answered, "hmmm, maybe a little" every.single.time.

--Weighed myself every time I peed hoping that it would somehow make me lighter. It did not.

--Spent too much time scrolling through Jenny Lawson's pins on Pinterest.

--Drank too much homemade vanilla iced coffee hoping a little caffeine would make me feel lots better. Instead, it made me shaky and feel like I was going to pass out.

--Started the rest of the dirty laundry. Again, it's not the doing laundry I hate. It's the putting away.

--Stared at the clean laundry. Still didn't put it away.

I am starting to feel a little bit better, so who knows where the day will take me. Probably not anywhere productive, just like the direction this blog took.