Saturday, July 21, 2012

The Longest Blog Ever (Or My Friend's Goose Wears a Flight Suit)

So, my weekend is far from over, but it's been pretty badass thus far, and I'm afraid if I wait to tell you about it, I'll forget even more of the badass things that happened than I already have.

This was the only foreign affair I was interested in.
It started out a bit rocky. I already didn't feel very good Thursday night, so when Joel got home with our Taco Bell dinner (I know, it doesn't get much healthier than that), we ate, caught up on each other's day, and went to bed. We are all about sleep timers in our house, so we put on our DVR'd Daily Show with a thirty minute sleep timer. We fell asleep before John's guest was even introduced. However, when the DVR stopped, C-Span was on and Barack Obama was giving some speech. Apparently C-Span's volume is much louder than normal TV, and so I was awakened by our president shouting something about foreign affairs at me. Thank you, Mr. President, I'll be up all night now.

Since Barack woke me up, and I couldn't go back to sleep, I decided to read a little...until the storm blew through. The lightning was so bright and the thunder so loud that CD was absolutely losing his sh*t. Now, this dog, in normal circumstances, is completely deaf. But when there's a storm happening, he hears every little sound. And is none too happy. He proceeded to pace, whine, demand to be put in bed with us, demand to get down, claw my face, arms, chest, etc, and generally go nuts for the next hour and a half. At one point, he wanted me to spoon him and rub his belly nonstop until he fell asleep. When I stopped, he got mad at me and cheated on my snuggles with Joel.
This is a terrible picture of me, but please note CD pleading with me to make the scary sounds stop.

And this is my punishment for not doing as I was told.

Finally, the storm died down, and CD fell asleep and I did shortly after. Then I woke up at 6am the next morning with a fire inside me kicking and screaming to get out. (Yes, I realize this is too much info. Get over it or click that X in the top corner of your screen.) There was a burning in the pit of my stomach along with severe nausea and other more southerly pains. I kept trying to ignore it and hope it would go away, but I was afraid I'd die, and Joel would wake up to my dead body next to him and CD nawing on my face. Finally, I woke him to ask him to please help me because clearly, my stomach had gone bad and was trying to expel itself from my body. He made me some baking soda and water (dis-effing-gusting), and within minutes, I'd killed the alien trying to pop out of my belly button. Only to realize, Joel had grown a small tummy demon inside him during the night and was fearing he might die too. Awesome. We are claiming that we were definitely poisoned by Taco Bell. When they say "run for the border," they don't specify they mean your intestines will after you eat it. But because we were so excited about our plans, we drank nasty baking soda water and powered through.
Ready to go. Tummy demons battled.
Then, Joel, CD, and I were ready to hit the road. We were headed to south central Kentucky for me to do a little bit of work, then head to our friends' lake. (UPDATED: Joel also spent the entire time we were in the car cleaning peanut butter and chocolate off of everything while I drove. I apologized 6 million times for junking up his car, and he was so sweet about how it didn't really bother him while he was compulsively cleaning.) We had been invited by Jo, her doggie, Rico, and her husband, Goose. Her husband's name is actually Aaron, but I'm going to refer to him as Goose since he flies a helicopter (at least in my head) and saves lives all over the world (again, at least in my head) wearing this amazing flight suit that makes him look just like Tom Cruise in Top Gun. I know TC's character was named Maverick, but Goose is a better nickname and his character was cooler because, well, he wasn't crazyass Tom Cruise. They also invited Dee and Patrick, and their doggie Lee! 
And Aaron/Goose totally stood in this awkward pose all weekend

Once we got to the lake, the puppy party and hilarity ensued. See, Jo, Dee, and I are hilarious on our own, but when we get together, we feed off each other's funny and are completely unstoppable. I'd love to relay all the hilarious events, but frankly I didn't even remember we had a cut-throat Catchphrase tournament until Dee brought it up this morning. I do know this: we started drinking way too early and stopped way too late. We went on the boat and watched it rain for like the first and only time all summer. While it was raining, we hung out UNDERNEATH the boat. Yeah, you read it right, we were underneath it, and it was amazing. I don't know why but the water under there was a cool neon yellow color. I like to think it's because we were all peeing like crazy and must've stained the water.  
Yup, we did that.

Dee was awesomely brave and jumped right into the water with us. I broke my knee cap on the propeller of the boat, and Joel proceeded to tell everyone how much he worries about my well-being, because I'm constantly acting a fool. I almost drown while trying to tell a story, laughing really hard, and sliding off the life jacket I had made into a water seat. Jo and Goose wore their's like diapers, and that was quite incredible. Then Joel played guitar, and we all mumbled words we thought we knew, until we decided if we didn't eat, we'd have to have our stomachs pumped soon. Then we went back to the lake house, ate, hung out, laughed, played Catchphrase, made Joel play some more, and took a whole bunch of funny pictures that are all on Dee's camera. 

Unfortunately Joel and I had to hit the road pretty early this morning, because he's playing a gig at the Country Club tonight. But we agreed we were going to do this again very soon (maybe every weekend. Sorry, Jo, now you'll never get rid of us!). And we realized that since our SOs all get along swimmingly, we have to be super best good friends our whole lives and all grow old together...because we're six.
Me having breakfast on a typical day.
Other highlights: I burped in the car on the way home, and Joel rolled down the window to air me out. It pissed me off, because I told him I don't understand how he doesn't have the same love filter on his nose that I have on mine. Because I never have to air him out. (Note: he also doesn't eat a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit, hashbrown, 10 chicken nuggets, a package of bbq sauce, a package of ranch dressing, and a large Diet Dr. Pepper for breakfast and then burp 58 times while trapped in a car with me, but we're not talking specifics here.) I said all of this to Joel and realized he doesn't think I'm half as funny as I think I am.
I am going to the Country Club tonight to see Joel's band play, and in our drunkenness, the girls and I decided they were going to come to Owensboro with their puppies and SOs and go to the party with me and crash at our house. In our soberness, I decided I shouldn't make Joel drive 3 hours home alone, Jo and Goose decided they shouldn't bail on their friends they'd already made plans with, and Dee and Patrick remembered they have one year old with his grandma that might need them. So it's just going to be me going as super-girlfriend/groupie. And apparently the CC has strictly prohibited the band members from bringing any more than one guest. (Side note: I'm sure this has nothing to do with the scenes me and Joel's other twelve guests made on New Year's Eve at the Country Club. That's a whole other hilarious story.) (Other side note: When it comes to me and my friends, there is no better incentive to go than being told it's strictly prohibited. But whatev.) So I'll have to let you know how much I bring the level of class down tonight at the Country Club. I'm starting by wearing the exact same thing I wore last week to the wedding reception we attended at the Country Club. And Joel is wearing his tie. Which still has beer on it from last week. What?
My Mexican friend, Pablo

Until then, I'll be procrastinating all the things I have to do, and then I'm meeting Kev, Em, and Pablo for drinks and apps (not like iphone apps, but like what cool waitresses call appetizers) at the Miller House. While I'm there, I'm going to tell Pablo how proud I am that he is finally embracing his heritage and opening a restaurant. 
His Mexican restaurant

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