Thursday, August 16, 2012

This Week in News

I've been really bad about posting at regular intervals lately, and that's because every year, about this time, my job takes over my life. Then I'm so utterly and ridiculously exhausted at the end of every day that I can't bring myself to think of something clever to write for my blog. But never fear, I keep a list of funny things that happen in my phone, so that I can give you semi-weekly run-downs of what's going on. (Because you care so much.)

This week in news:

This guy has earhole issues too.
--I have an ear hole infection. You read that right. Not an ear infection, an ear HOLE infection. You see, I have a couple of pairs of earrings that, when I wear them, make my ears develop these nasty sores all around my earring holes. Then, these nasty things start to bleed at completely inopportune times making it look as if I have some sort of ebola-type virus. I typically don't realize one lobe is gushing blood until I touch it and come back with a handful of blood or feel blood streaming down my neck or someone yells, "OH MY GOD, YOU'VE BEEN SHOT IN THE FACE!!" Once I realize I have this infection again, I stop wearing earrings, but fear that people are staring at my earholes wondering if that's a beautiful shiny ruby stud or, in fact, oh yup, she's bleeding everywhere. I once realized this blood-letting was happening while on the phone with my mom (and I suddenly couldn't hear her, because my phone was covered in blood) while walking through Kroger. I made her talk to me until I left the store, because I was afraid I'd be asked to leave for not following blood-born pathogens procedures. Luckily, this is starting to heal and now it is a mere red dot that people are beginning to wonder if it's just a cute mole on my ear lobe. (Yup, it's totally blood.)

--I had lunch with Dee and made her answer a million questions about her big news. She's already put it on facebook, so I'll share it with the blogosphere. Our Dee is expecting baby number two!! Yay!!!! The jury is still out as to whether the baby is Patrick's or mine. (I know what my money's on.)

I framed it.
--I purchased an US Weekly so I can stare at Kourtney Kardashian's new baby. I can only hope mine and Dee's little bundle will be just as cute!

--I have been preparing for Baby Shower Bonanza that's happening this Saturday. I have another pal that is also preg, and we will be celebrating her new baby by throwing a very classy baby shower Saturday evening (we're bringing beer, people, this sh*t's on!). I didn't realize how much preparation goes into showering a baby, but apparently it's a lot, because I've been doing my thang like crazy, and I'm only one of four hostesses. This is going to be the Baby Shower of the Century. I am panicking slightly on what to wear to any evening bambino bath. Someone give me some hints!

--I stole a candle from TJ Maxx. On accident! I found this super cute purse/work bag/suitcase combo that I had to have because it's cute enough to carry as my purse but big enough to stuff all my work stuff, two days worth of snacks, and a clean change of undies into, and it was on sale for $15. So I grabbed it. I went on about my shopping ($95...oops!) and paid for everything. This morning, when I changed over the stuff from my old purse to this new one, I realized there was a candle inside the purse!
This candle is HOT!
I gasped, realizing I'm a thief!! I mean, I didn't put the candle in there, but I walked out with it without paying for it. Granted, it's a stinky blue ugly teardrop candle that was on sale for $1!!! But it's still thievery! I'm guessing they couldn't sell that ugly thing and decided they'd have to give it away. I'm the lucky owner. Awesome.

--I napped, b*tches. Napped!!! Two days in a row. It was awesome. Admittedly, it's why I didn't blog. But today, I pulled myself away from my third nap to write a post. But those two were amazing. It's a lost art. I'd bring it back, but...

Let me just move this sh*t over for you
so you can sit down.

--I've been visiting each of my schools in each of my ten counties. I'm about five counties in calendar is completely booked until Christmas. Honestly. I made some rules last year about scheduling my work stuff and wanted to uphold them this year. They were: I will not work more than two evenings a week. I will not schedule more than two events in one day. I will take one day a week as an office day or comp day, if I need it. I have currently broken all of them. On multiple occasions. Luckily, I left time off for our vacations in September, October, and December (I guess November will be a weekend trip). BUT I didn't leave time off for a birthday trip in February! So there's some rearranging to be done next semester. But this semester? All I can do is stare at my calendar and cry.

It feels like just yesterday.
--My boss observed me today. Now, she mostly got to watch me walk into schools and say, "Remember me? I can't do anything for you until after Christmas, but you can call me if you have questions." But it always used to make me nervous when she'd observe me. Like she was trying to trip me up on something. Now I'm pretty happy when she rides along. I made sure to rid my car of all beer cans, wine bottles (true story--but it was full!), and underwear (one pair of mine, one pair of Joel's, one bra, to be exact) before she came out, but it was all smooth sailing. In fact, I had a really, really great day with her!

--I loved Joel a little bit stronger. I can't explain it, but there's something that pulls me closer to him every once in a while. It makes me know that this is where I need to be. Sometimes I just need to squeeze him! And that may be because...

--I met Joel one year ago yesterday. Yes, I'm freaking sappy enough to remember that. But I will never ever forget the first moment I saw him. I knew I needed him in my life. Now, it would be another month before Joel wised up and realized I was the bomb dot com, and he needed me in his life and that he really hated grocery shopping and laundry anyway and that if I pay attention to this girl, she will do that for me for the rest of my life, but... Today was the big first meeting. I sent a sweet card, because that's what I do. He said, "oh, it's been a year?" and turned on the Daily Show.

I win the effing gold at being 30!
--Today is the official SIX MONTH mark before my 30th birthday. I think it means it's my half birthday or some sh*t, so I'm having a glass of wine in mourning celebration. I gotta tell you, the closer we get the more I freak out. I mean, it's cute to be 29, it's exciting to be in your 20's...and it's coming to a f***ing end sooner than I want it to. I have never struggled with getting older, but I am losing it a little. I'm just not sure I want to be THIRTY. It's so...different...from 29. But, today my boss told me that women hit their stride in their 30's and that I need to view it is as the beginning of my stride. (That's my boss, people. Have I mentioned I love my freaking job?) So, watch out world, I'm hitting my damn stride. And you thought it couldn't get any better?!?!?

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