Monday, July 2, 2012

I'm Sailing Away

What the boat looks like in my head
Alright friends, the excitement in our house is building because we leave for a house boat trip in T minus four days. (I have to note that when I say the excitement is building,I mean for me. Joel rarely gets excited about much. We were once on an airplane flying to Costa Rica for an 11 day trip, and I was so excited I'd already peed four times and my face hurt from smiling. When I turned to him and squealed, 'aren't you excited?!?' he replied, 'sure, babe.' That's it. Sure, babe.)

So in a few days, we leave for our house boat trip with several other couples, and I'm both nervous and excited about it. Nervous? You might ask. Let me explain.
What the boat really looks like

First, I'm nervous about my tolerance. I know that you all think I'm this young whipper snapper who can hang with the best of them, but you'd be wrong about that. You see, my alcohol tolerance has declined drastically in the last few years. In and right after college, I had quite the impressive ability to drink whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and still appear to be somewhat normal. You can google this condition, I think it's called alcoholism. But now I underestimate how much I can drink and still be normal. Let me break it down for you.

If I have more than three drinks, I will most certainly wake up the next day thinking, 'did I honestly say that last night???' and have to avoid one or more of the people I embarrassed myself in front of for the next few days. If I have more than four drinks, I will likely dance inappropriately--music or no--and demand some sort of greasy food before bed. (I will, I warn you, talk about this desired food until I annoy someone into getting it for me.  Ask any of my friends.) And any more than that, and I will absolutely puke. (Joel got to witness this about a month ago. Honeymoon=long over.) I also am a hangover expert because I almost always have them. So you can imagine how thinking about a house boat trip with people younger than myself might make me terrified that on the very first night, I'll have a few too many, say something ridiculous, booty dance with myself, and vomit everywhere making everyone regret inviting me in the first place. The only good thing that can happen at that point would be if I stumbled overboard. At least I wouldn't have to look those people in the face the next morning.

What I think I look like when I'm dancing
What I actually look like

Casi, post-sunburn
I'm also a little nervous about motion sickness. (For the record, if this does happen, motion sickness will be the excuse I have for barfing on, off, or around the boat.) The only other time I've been on a moving vessel for a prolonged amount of time was a day-long dolphin siting trip my family took when I was in middle school. My mom, as a preventive measure, fed us all Dramamine for breakfast that day, and we boarded the ship. I had--and still have--an unusually low tolerance for medicines and proceeded to lay down for a minute in my grandfather's lap until I felt better. The next thing I know, they were waking me up to get off the boat. I'd slept through the whole trip, and my sweet grandfather had missed all the action, because I was drooling all over him the entire time. So, honestly, I don't even know if I get motion sickness because my mom roofied me the one and only time I had the chance to find out. 

I'm terrified of getting sun burnt as well. When most people will be carrying on cases of beer, I'll be carrying on cases of sunscreen. And reapplying every five minutes just to make sure. I am the whitest white girl alive; I make Lindsay Lohan look like a native American--don't let my fake tan fool you--I'm part albino and have been known to burn going from the car to the house. And there's nothing more miserable than being sun burnt on a trip. Except, maybe, for being the girl who won't stop puking. 

Now, aside from being a little nervous about my tolerance, my paleness, and my feared motion sickness, I'm utterly and completely excited about the trip. I can't wait to spend time with good friends away from work (the bat phone stays home!), near the water, and miles away from anything I can worry about. And at least if I throw up and act inappropriately or have vertigo the whole time, I'll have something good to write about when I get home.

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