Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Last Beginnings

A wise fortune cookie fortune once said 'Do not give up, the beginning is always the hardest part.'

While I agree with this sentiment, I also hold the belief that most times, the beginning is the best part.

Think about good beginnings. The beginning of a vacation when your excitement level is immeasurable, and you feel so positive about the days ahead. The beginning of a really good book that once it sucks you in, you can't put it down. The beginning of a friendship when you feel like you've known the person your whole life, but still have so many memories to make. The beginning of a great love when every first--your first date, your first kiss, the first time you realize how much you like him--feels like it could sustain you for a lifetime. Beginnings, to me, while sometimes tough, are always the best part.

A good friend of mine recently shared with me an incredibly wise perspective. My friend Kelsey is this insanely intelligent, driven, beautiful 24 year old woman who is exactly where I was at 24. She is anxious and excited to know where life is taking her. What city, what career, what relationship, and what future lies ahead of her is what excites her, and also makes her a little nervous. But recently when discussing where we both were in our love lives, she said to me, 'but you know what? I'm not really sure I'm ready for my last beginning.'

We share the same love of beginnings, and being at such a transitional time in her life, she has this amazing perspective that if something ends, it just means there's another exciting beginning waiting for her. I was shocked and mesmerized that someone so young could have such an amazingly wise perspective.

I think at 30, I've experienced a lot of my last big beginnings. I think I'm surrounded by most of the friends who will be my friends for life. Those friends who will make up all of the supporting roles in the story of Casi and be there through it all. So when it comes to friendships, there may not be a lot of beginnings left for me. I work in a job that I love so much, they'll have to force me to leave kicking and screaming. So on the career front, I may very well have had my last beginning. I feel mostly confident that I live where I need to live and live a life that I was destined for. So that doesn't leave a lot of room for new beginnings.

But then there's love. I've experienced more than my fair share of great beginnings in love. I've been swept off my feet, I've had friendships that turned into love, and I've felt the slow burn of gradual love. While all unique and special in their own way, each of those loves has ended, been taken, or faded away. But one thing is for sure, each of those endings has been followed by a new and greater beginning.

I have no idea if I've yet experienced my last beginning in love. I have no idea what my future holds or what God's plan for me is. But I know I'm excited and eager to find out. I know that if I have, in fact, had my last beginning, that there is a lifetime of firsts waiting for me. A lifetime of true and unconditional love where every single day is a new beginning.

But knowing that at the end of everything awaits a new and exciting beginning, how can I not be perfectly happy and at peace knowing that someday when I realize I've experienced my last beginning that there is a lifetime of sharing new beginnings with the very person who was my very last beginning?

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