Sunday, September 16, 2012

Everything I Need to Know I Learned While Drinking Wine

Maybe you've heard of the poem Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. Well, they were really onto something, and it became abundantly clear last night that some people failed the kindergarten of life.

It is Sharla's birth month, so we decided to celebrate by going to a Jazz and Wine Fest in downtown Evansville. We brought along our good friend, Leslie, and Sharla's husband, Jody. Poor guy, he was completely surrounded by gossiping girls. 

We went to this wine fest as a much larger group two years ago and had an absolute blast. 

But it wasn't nearly as crowded as it was this year. In the year since we've been, they have downgraded to plastic glasses (such bullshit) and cut three hours off the time frame of the event. I'm guessing since people (like me) couldn't start drinking at 1pm this year, they packed the streets at 4:00 when it opened. As we passed super crowded "booze tents" as some drunk called them (that drunk was not me--promise), I got the brilliant idea to pass up the tents near the entrance and go to the ones farther away hoping they were less crowded. This was not the case. The line at the tent we ended up at was through the tent, out the side of the tent, and down the street. 

We waited to taste our first sample of wine for an hour and fifteen minutes. This was fine by us, because we were catching up, and friending each other on Instagram, and otherwise occupying ourselves. At the very same moment, our blood sugar was plummeting, and we all started to feel a bit cranky. 

Then, some assholes decided they didn't need to wait in the hour-long line and that they could cut in front of us. At first, we were all just a bit perturbed. Then as this trend really caught on, I decided I'd had enough, and my hangry self walked up to this group of selfish cutters, knocked their glasses out of their hands, shoved my empty plastic cup down the throat of the one who commented on the long line despite having just cut it, and basically dominated the wine festival and drank all the wine for myself. Except that only happened in my dream after I passed out from lack of food and wine. Except that didn't happen either. 

What really happened was that we finally made it to the taste-test area and no one would give us samples so we started helping ourselves while loudly commenting on the f*ck faces who'd cut in front of us. Then I purchased 8 bottles of wine and drank as much as I wanted in front of the cutters who were still waiting to get samples. And ate some kind of blackberry chicken mashed potato pita, because I was about to go into shock from low blood sugar. 

But after our it's never okay to cut lesson, the night was amazing. We sampled lots of really good wine, lots of wine that tasted like hooch, bought some (seriously 8 bottles for me) to bring home and drink later (or last night as soon as I got home), and made lots of good birthday memories!


Earlier in the day, my fam met up at a Catholic Church picnic to watch my sis-in-law's band, Dysfunctional Groove, play, and they were awesome! And we were so proud of her!! And I made my brothers do a little family photo shoot with me. And they loved it. 

And Stink played an Angry Birds game that made him an angry bird.

And this guy was the highlight of my life. 

And this is how I feel today. 

Be sure to tune in tomorrow and the rest of the week to hear about our Orlando vacation adventures from last week!! You'll love every minute of it, and I'll pretend I'm still on vacation because I have to work 110 hours this week. YAY!!


  1. That's the way to do wine fests - buy a few bottles and slink off to a corner where you can drink like a proper wino!

    1. I definitely mastered that last night. We're planning on a wine fest in Nashville, TN soon, and I'm already working on getting my taste-testing skills ready!! Thanks for stopping by, Amy!!