Wednesday, August 8, 2012

How Do You Break a HEX?

Someone's put a hex on me. No, really. That's the only thing that makes sense as to why the most random, ridiculous sh*t is happening to me. It's not one big thing or even lots of big things, but it's little annoying things that are starting to make me think I'm losing my damn mind.

So, whoever you are, this is what you've caused me this week (yes, I realize we're only three freaking days in):
Wait a minute...I think Joel was in this band once.

--I wake up Monday morning and realize I've completely forgotten to do a HUGE report, and so I have to rush to get it done and turned in FOUR DAYS LATE.

--Because I was spending so much time fixing the first blunder, I miss the deadline for a report that was due that same morning. So I complete it and turn it in late.

--Then after turning two reports in late, I have to email my boss and apologize for working too many hours this pay period. You see, anything we work over 37.5 hours needs to be noted as comp, and because they don't want us taking 6 straight months off, we're not allowed to accrue more than 10 comp hours in a pay period. And if we do and seek prior approval we can earn more, but not more than 20. Well I had to email my boss and say, "Sorry about those 22.5 comp hours I earned. Oops."

--So I think the worst of it was over for Monday, until I almost ran out of gas. I was panicking and traffic on Frederica Street was ridiculously busy, and apparently there's only ONE gas station on the busy part of Frederica Street so I'm praying that the fumes I have left will inch me another mile or so to the Shell. And it does.

--Because I'd taken the rest of the morning off in an attempt to not accrue even more comp time, I looked at my phone only to realize I had about 30 emails that had piled up and needed responses. So I get the gas pump going and get back in my car to try and get some of those emails done. Suddenly, a woman starts banging on my trunk, because the gas pump had not only filled my tank up, but was also soaking the car, the parking lot, and everything around it with gas. I jump out of the car, slip in the huge puddle of gas, soak the bottom half of my pants with gas, drop my cell phone in it, and am still unable to get the pump to stop. When I did stop the pump, I notice that I have pumped almost $30 of gas all over everything. Including myself. The woman who helped me said the same thing had happened to her at the same pump a few days earlier. She retrieved the manager who said if I would please move my car, he would hose it off. I insisted he do something about it, and he gave me a free $6 car wash to help get the gas off my car. Gee, thanks.

--Smelling of gasoline and realizing my cell phone case has soaked up the smell and will never be usable again, I head off to my evening work event. Apparently there was a glitch in my GPS--that glitch may or may not have been user error--and because I was engrossed in my audio book, I didn't realize it had taken me TWO HOURS in the WRONG DIRECTION. And to a street that ended into a lake. I mean, the street resumed on the other side of the lake, but what was I supposed to do?? I don't have one of those cars that turn conveniently into boats.

I wish I'd been given a sign.
And that was just Monday. Other things that have happened:

--I overslept.

--A dress I planned on wearing to my staff meeting yesterday--which was clean--had some sort of questionable material stained all over it. It looked like gorilla glue, but I didn't want to jump to conclusions at 4am, and frankly, I didn't have time to because I had to search for something else to wear and get on the road.

--I missed my exit not once, not twice, but three times en route to my staff meeting. There was also so much construction--and weird construction--that it made me think I'd mess up and was driving on the side of the highway that was closed. But, no, no. The road crews had us driving on the shoulder, because the entire highway was closed.

--I thought I overslept, but apparently I didn't because I got to Frankfort 45 minutes too early. And when your wake-up call is 3am, 45 minutes is like a month.

--I ate four pieces of pizza and Arby's yesterday. (This hex includes over-eating.)

--I yelled at Joel for no apparent reason two nights in a row.

Outta my way. No, SERIOUSLY.

--I can't freaking sleep.

--I spilled ice water all over me and Sharla at lunch. It was hot out, but not hot enough to want to go the entire day soaked.

--I showed up to visit schools not only on the first day of school--which is crazy busy and the contacts look at you like, " know what you can do for me? Leave me alone," but also during bus pick-up. So my car got blocked in, and I had to stand and wait until all of the buses loaded and pulled away in the 95 degree heat at three.different.schools.

So, many times over the past couple of days, I have said, "I'm done. I'm going back to bed until this hex is broken." But I haven't given up yet. I'm taking Friday off and using this three day weekend to unwind and hit the reset button. Next week will be better. I know it will. Because the Universe told me it will...

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