Countdown to 30

I remember, as a child, I would see women in their element. Mostly of the mid-to-late 20's variety. Out running errands or shopping or doing something uniquely adult, and I would think to myself, "that's what I'm gonna be like one day...a grown-up." Recently I was standing in the u-scan line at Kroger, almond milk, kale, free range organic chicken breasts, and low-fat string cheese resting precariously in my arms while I discussed financial aid with a parent on my work phone. Clad in a clearance rack Ann Taylor Loft dress, sunglasses pushing back my meticulously straightened yet perpetually frizzy hair, perched on one 4 inch black Target heel, I noticed a young, bright-eyed blonde 5 year old gazing at me. I glanced at her and smiled, as she blushed and looked away. I smiled because I understood exactly what she was doing. She was planning to some day be a grown-up like me.

I always remember thinking that when I was 28, I would actually be a grown-up. On my 28th birthday, I woke up, cleaned my house, made my own breakfast, paid three bills, responded to 7 emails, showered, dressed, and left for a 10 hour work day all before 9am. Shortly after I returned home, exhausted, and plopped down in front of facebook, I realized I was officially a grown-up. Ready or not.

This is the nephew I argue with...yeah, he's pretty bad ass.

Let's be completely honest. I don't always act like a grown-up. There are times when I wake suddenly in a panic realizing that there are people who rely on me to be a responsible, dependable adult...and they actually pay me a salary to do so. There are times when I'm babysitting my 7 year old nephew, and I hear myself arguing with him over whether we're going to watch Shrek 2 or Cars (always, always Shrek 2). I sometimes eat M&Ms for breakfast. I sometimes have one too many cocktails and dance inappropriately. There are days I lie in bed and watch Sex and the City or Girls all day and don't feel a bit guilty about it. Sometimes nothing makes me happier than a slumber party with my girls, staying up most of the night laughing until someone finally pees their pants. At which point, we remember we're not in 7th grade anymore, and we fall asleep being pissed off about our 6am wake up call.

29th b-day in Costa Rica with Joel

So I have to come to terms with the fact that although I still feel a little young at heart sometimes, I am a grown-up and have to begin acting like one at some point. Here I am, 8 months from my 30th birthday and wondering what it even means to be a grown-up. I hear lots of people make pre-30 bucket lists. I spent my 29th birthday in Costa Rica and sat down with a pen and paper in attempt to make one of my own. I had asked for suggestions at a gathering my SO (I think boyfriend is, in fact, officially a non-grown term, so from this point forward, I will refer to Joel as...well, Joel, or my SO--significant other) and I had been at earlier in the day. The only response was one girl--31--said, "absolutely, no question, sky-diving!" I responded with a smile and a nod, but what I wanted to say was, "you crazy effing loon, I wouldn't sky-dive with my worst enemy's body." Chucking that suggestion and thinking over the list I'd been trying to make for half an hour, I glanced down and realized it said, "Skinny dip, kiss in the rain..." and that's it. Two things. At which point, I looked up at Joel and said, "hey at some point in the next year, kiss me while it's raining and get me naked in a pool." Done. There's my pre-30 bucket list.

And I'll add this to it. It's always nice to start something and then add it to a to-do list post-hoc. It makes me feel so accomplished. This can be my official countdown to 30 and maybe you guys will humor me reading my ever-too-lengthy attempts at telling my trials and tribulations of adult life and maybe you'll even have a laugh or two.