Have you ever found yourself traveling somewhere, your GPS doing a great job of thinking for you, when the voice coming through that small black box goes silent, you glance down to see only 'lost signal' and ahead of you, you're faced with a multitude of ways to turn but no earthly idea which direction is the right one to take you on your journey?? (Also, have you ever written a sentence THAT long? That's beside the point.)
Lately I have been feeling like my GPS isn't working. I know I'm on a journey, I know there is a destination, but when I listen for the voice, it's silent and when I look for the path, I see the screen is still loading.
If you read my blog a million years ago when I actually found the time and motivation to write, you know I absolutely thought I had my life mapped out for me. A simple life on a beautiful farm with a wonderful SO who would someday be the father of my children, and we'd find ourselves--in twenty years--old people rocking on the porch talking about the great travel and the little things and the moments that made our life so great. Except that somewhere along the line, I spilled wine all over that map and lost my way.
Now I find myself sitting at the intersection of adulthood wondering which road I'm supposed to turn down, not hearing a damn peep from the 'ole Garmin!
It's not a cake walk. I can't say I don't want to hear some kind of navigational tip, I can't say I don't want someone to tell me which road to take, and I can't say I have a naturally keen sense of direction. But I can say: it's not all that bad.
I don't know where life is taking me. I don't know exactly what God has in store for me, but I do know it's going to be pretty amazing. It's going to be better than I could ever imagine.
And at least, while I'm sitting here wondering which road is the right one for me, I can enjoy the adventure!
"Author's" note: (haha, yeah I totally put that in quotes!) After a break and an array of changes in my life, I've happily come back to blogging! Head over to www.thebluegrasstrifecta.blogspot.com to read my guest post about the last couple of months of my life. And keep visiting them for more great guest bloggers and a pretty spectacular line-up. Also, keep checking back here to see how long I last before the throwing in the towel again. Just kidding, I promise to stick around for at least a little while.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Monday, October 22, 2012
A Few Perfect Days in a Few Perfect Pictures
Hey few blog-readers that are left now that I post once in a blue moon because I'm crazy busy and focusing on other things--
Just wanted to check in and tell you that I had a nearly perfect week and weekend. I remember the week being really great, but don't remember too many specifics, because I am still super busy. Work is going well (how's that for being overwhelmed?), and I got to hang out with my awesome family and carve pumpkins!
This weekend, I got to see my little man's first football game, and then spend some time with the Clark fam (bro Chris, sis-in-law April (and her band!), and not so little man Jack) at Reid's Orchard Apple Fest. It was a complete blast.
Then, Joel and I spent some quality time together loving on each other (c'mon, people, I mean the PG kind of love) and visiting a beautiful winery. It was a perfect Sunday to do so, and we got a chance to ask the couple who owns the winery all about raising grapes and making wine, in case Joel ever wants to make all my dreams come true by building and opening a winery on the back 40 acres of our land. They would love for us to come back and stay in their bed and breakfast (for free?? Did you say for free??), and talk over dinner more about how we can be winedrinkers makers.
We also met another couple who want us to come back to their parts (Indiana) and have dinner with them, because they think we're the cutest couple ever (because we are).
Perfect few days, I'll tell you. Tonight, we have our fourth and final debate date. I'm excited.
And, for your viewing enjoyment, the way I've been spending my free time:
Just wanted to check in and tell you that I had a nearly perfect week and weekend. I remember the week being really great, but don't remember too many specifics, because I am still super busy. Work is going well (how's that for being overwhelmed?), and I got to hang out with my awesome family and carve pumpkins!
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| Kevin wasn't too grumpy |
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| And Jack isn't too big for me to hold like a baby |
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| And, clearly, he gets his good looks from me. |
Then, Joel and I spent some quality time together loving on each other (c'mon, people, I mean the PG kind of love) and visiting a beautiful winery. It was a perfect Sunday to do so, and we got a chance to ask the couple who owns the winery all about raising grapes and making wine, in case Joel ever wants to make all my dreams come true by building and opening a winery on the back 40 acres of our land. They would love for us to come back and stay in their bed and breakfast (for free?? Did you say for free??), and talk over dinner more about how we can be wine
We also met another couple who want us to come back to their parts (Indiana) and have dinner with them, because they think we're the cutest couple ever (because we are).
Perfect few days, I'll tell you. Tonight, we have our fourth and final debate date. I'm excited.
And, for your viewing enjoyment, the way I've been spending my free time:
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| Hanging out with this cute baby |
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| And this cuddly guy |
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| And, on occasion, both at once. |
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| Generally loving my life |
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| Because, have you seen my SO? He's amazing! |
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| Even after a big, greasy meal saying, "please don't take a picture. I know it's just going on your blog." |
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Back on the Bloggin' Wagon
I'm sure you noticed I haven't been blogging lately. Oh, you didn't? Well, let's pretend you did and cried yourself to sleep each night that I didn't post.
Good, I feel better already.
Here's the thing: I had to kind of break up with my blog for a while. I'd love to say that life got busy, and I had to be a grown-up (get it??), and deal with important stuff rather than spend 30 mins to an hour every day sitting in front of the computer trying to think up things to write and attempt to be semi- funny. But that's only partly true.
The whole truth is that my life hasn't felt very funny lately. It's felt hard. Really hard. I wrote about overcommitment, and then I've talked to almost everyone I know about feeling overwhelmed (good life tip: don't talk about feeling overwhelmed at work. The cheese stands alone). Talking has helped, I guess. But I still, for the past couple of weeks, have felt like every time I turn around I am disappointing someone or failing in some area. And that shit is not funny. It's also not funny that I have had a mini-virus, a full fledged virus, and a someone-shoot-me-in-the-head-please kinda sinus infection all in the last couple of weeks. I've come to the conclusion that the talking about being overwhelmed was not just talk, because my body MADE me shut down for a few days so I didn't die or cry at one more inappropriate time.
But this weekend has been pretty great so far. I didn't have pressing commitments and have been able to spend some time with myself thinking through the awesome things I've achieved in the past, and how I will do some pretty badass things in the future. I've made it through worse, and I probably will survive even worse things than this rut. So I'm feeling much better.
I also have taken this opportunity to consider how I want to spend my time. Since it seems that lack of time is the big culprit that sends me into downward spirals, I have to be a better steward of it. I want to spend my time with the people I love most in the world, and first and foremost care for my primary relationship (that's Joel. He's my future, so he deserves the best of me. That doesn't mean that people from my past are less important, so everyone calm down and take a deep breath. I am just a firm believer that your 'person' comes before others, and I intend to act that way). I want to make time for the people who make time for me. As a grown-up friend, I will nurture friendships in which the support door swings both ways. That, in fact, was a 2012 resolution. I can't fret over relationships that, at the end of the day, are more stressful than rewarding. And I want to be really, really good at my job. That doesn't necessarily mean it has to BE my life, but it does have to be an important use of my time. I want to take more time for me. I can't feel guilty about passing on things that will keep me from being in bed around 9:30 or so, because I am simply someone who needs 8 hours of sleep (or maybe 9, sometimes 10). And I will do things for myself like have decompression time, solid time to keep my personal life in order (basically that means I have to make the bed every day, because I'm a little crazier when it's not made), and time to do things I love with people who I enjoy.
And finally, I want to be more grateful. I want to be grateful for being brave enough to stand up and say 'hey, life has gotten me down, I need a change.' I know it's not funny and it's not very much fun to hear those things, but sometimes they have to be said and dealt with. No one can be happy and fun one hundred percent of the time. I want to be grateful that I feel confident in the life I have chosen. Because I chose it. I am happy living the life of Casi, and not the life that everyone wants/expects/needs Casi to live. This life, although not always a cake walk, makes me incredibly happy. I want to be more grateful for supportive family and friends who give without expecting anything in return, who don't decline my phone calls because they know I'm calling to vent yet again, and who love me and all my crazy glory. I want to be more grateful that I have a job that fulfills me and is solid, important work, despite sometimes being really, really exhausting. And I want to be more grateful that I have a wonderful man in my life who loves me and cares for me even when I wake up in the middle of the night and yell at him because it's too hot, or when I don't clean the litter boxes often enough (I thought we had a deal, dude??), and when I come home from work so upset that I sob and drink wine so furiously and simultaneously that it's clear that I am one big mess. I want to be more grateful that, when it's all said and done, I wouldn't really change a thing. I live a wonderful life, am surrounded by amazing people, do important work, and have someone who will adjust the temperature in our house 70 times a day for me and get up in the middle of the night and scoop cat sh*t because it's making me gag. I am superbly blessed, and it's about damn time I start acting like it.
Good, I feel better already.
Here's the thing: I had to kind of break up with my blog for a while. I'd love to say that life got busy, and I had to be a grown-up (get it??), and deal with important stuff rather than spend 30 mins to an hour every day sitting in front of the computer trying to think up things to write and attempt to be semi- funny. But that's only partly true.
The whole truth is that my life hasn't felt very funny lately. It's felt hard. Really hard. I wrote about overcommitment, and then I've talked to almost everyone I know about feeling overwhelmed (good life tip: don't talk about feeling overwhelmed at work. The cheese stands alone). Talking has helped, I guess. But I still, for the past couple of weeks, have felt like every time I turn around I am disappointing someone or failing in some area. And that shit is not funny. It's also not funny that I have had a mini-virus, a full fledged virus, and a someone-shoot-me-in-the-head-please kinda sinus infection all in the last couple of weeks. I've come to the conclusion that the talking about being overwhelmed was not just talk, because my body MADE me shut down for a few days so I didn't die or cry at one more inappropriate time.
But this weekend has been pretty great so far. I didn't have pressing commitments and have been able to spend some time with myself thinking through the awesome things I've achieved in the past, and how I will do some pretty badass things in the future. I've made it through worse, and I probably will survive even worse things than this rut. So I'm feeling much better.
I also have taken this opportunity to consider how I want to spend my time. Since it seems that lack of time is the big culprit that sends me into downward spirals, I have to be a better steward of it. I want to spend my time with the people I love most in the world, and first and foremost care for my primary relationship (that's Joel. He's my future, so he deserves the best of me. That doesn't mean that people from my past are less important, so everyone calm down and take a deep breath. I am just a firm believer that your 'person' comes before others, and I intend to act that way). I want to make time for the people who make time for me. As a grown-up friend, I will nurture friendships in which the support door swings both ways. That, in fact, was a 2012 resolution. I can't fret over relationships that, at the end of the day, are more stressful than rewarding. And I want to be really, really good at my job. That doesn't necessarily mean it has to BE my life, but it does have to be an important use of my time. I want to take more time for me. I can't feel guilty about passing on things that will keep me from being in bed around 9:30 or so, because I am simply someone who needs 8 hours of sleep (or maybe 9, sometimes 10). And I will do things for myself like have decompression time, solid time to keep my personal life in order (basically that means I have to make the bed every day, because I'm a little crazier when it's not made), and time to do things I love with people who I enjoy.
And finally, I want to be more grateful. I want to be grateful for being brave enough to stand up and say 'hey, life has gotten me down, I need a change.' I know it's not funny and it's not very much fun to hear those things, but sometimes they have to be said and dealt with. No one can be happy and fun one hundred percent of the time. I want to be grateful that I feel confident in the life I have chosen. Because I chose it. I am happy living the life of Casi, and not the life that everyone wants/expects/needs Casi to live. This life, although not always a cake walk, makes me incredibly happy. I want to be more grateful for supportive family and friends who give without expecting anything in return, who don't decline my phone calls because they know I'm calling to vent yet again, and who love me and all my crazy glory. I want to be more grateful that I have a job that fulfills me and is solid, important work, despite sometimes being really, really exhausting. And I want to be more grateful that I have a wonderful man in my life who loves me and cares for me even when I wake up in the middle of the night and yell at him because it's too hot, or when I don't clean the litter boxes often enough (I thought we had a deal, dude??), and when I come home from work so upset that I sob and drink wine so furiously and simultaneously that it's clear that I am one big mess. I want to be more grateful that, when it's all said and done, I wouldn't really change a thing. I live a wonderful life, am surrounded by amazing people, do important work, and have someone who will adjust the temperature in our house 70 times a day for me and get up in the middle of the night and scoop cat sh*t because it's making me gag. I am superbly blessed, and it's about damn time I start acting like it.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Just Call Me Martha Effing Stewart
Holy shit, you guys, I cannot even describe what's happening to me. Something has come over me that has made me want to be more domestic. I cooked dinner Friday night. ...Pause for reaction... And I cooked dinner again tonight.
Not only that, but I created two Pinterest projects. (Okay, maybe just one idea, but two final products.)
They aren't as fancy as this, but one holds our grocery list, ideas of dinners for the week, and things that need to be done. The other one is small and sits next to our key box where we can write little messages to each other for the day. (Ten bucks says I'm the only one who ever writes on it, and in three weeks, after 20 or so carefully constructed messages, Joel says "what message board??" But, shit, guys, I feel accomplished!)
I'm beginning to wonder if my new domesticity is coming from the fact that I am working hard at saying no and honoring what I actually want to do rather than what I feel obligated to do. For instance, I have two huge work reports due tomorrow and Tuesday, but rather than using my precious weekend off-time to work on them, I am taking tomorrow morning in the office so that I can get them done on actual work time.
And, again, maybe it's because I complained about being overcommitted, and I have this newfound time where I'm doing what I want, but I have to say that this has been the most perfect weekend.
I was off on Friday, and I literally did not put on pants all day! Nor did I put on make-up or even bathe. It was amazing. I did, however, make a little chicken dish I thought up in my head. Joel and I both thought it was quite good, and he even got up in the middle of the night and ate all the leftovers, so I call that a cooking f*cking miracle.
Saturday, I got to catch up with my amazing friends, Trina and Adam, and their sweet little bundle, Levi. We all met up for coffee, and even my grumpy brother, Kevin came. Then immediately after breakfast, I met my mom, stepdad, and grandparents for lunch. I basically bored them with a hundred stories about their grand-dog and grand-kitty. I think at one point, I could see my grandmother spelling out "Please stop talking about your pets like they're children" with her chicken fingers.
Except Wednesday, because it's the first presidential debate, and Joel and I have a debate date! I'm already trying to think up a hokey meal that's politics-related. I know you love this new domestic Casi. But don't get used to it. Who knows when all of this will fade, and I decide to order pizza for a week straight?
Not only that, but I created two Pinterest projects. (Okay, maybe just one idea, but two final products.)
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| Dry Erase Picture Frames! |
I'm beginning to wonder if my new domesticity is coming from the fact that I am working hard at saying no and honoring what I actually want to do rather than what I feel obligated to do. For instance, I have two huge work reports due tomorrow and Tuesday, but rather than using my precious weekend off-time to work on them, I am taking tomorrow morning in the office so that I can get them done on actual work time.
And, again, maybe it's because I complained about being overcommitted, and I have this newfound time where I'm doing what I want, but I have to say that this has been the most perfect weekend.
I was off on Friday, and I literally did not put on pants all day! Nor did I put on make-up or even bathe. It was amazing. I did, however, make a little chicken dish I thought up in my head. Joel and I both thought it was quite good, and he even got up in the middle of the night and ate all the leftovers, so I call that a cooking f*cking miracle.
Saturday, I got to catch up with my amazing friends, Trina and Adam, and their sweet little bundle, Levi. We all met up for coffee, and even my grumpy brother, Kevin came. Then immediately after breakfast, I met my mom, stepdad, and grandparents for lunch. I basically bored them with a hundred stories about their grand-dog and grand-kitty. I think at one point, I could see my grandmother spelling out "Please stop talking about your pets like they're children" with her chicken fingers.
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| I reluctantly love Katniss Everdeen |
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| And I'm obsessed with this guy. I'm not even ashamed. |
Joel and I had a quiet dinner together (that was take-out, I admit it) and had lots of good quality time, and I didn't even have to beg him for it and define exactly what I meant by quality time using graphs and charts like I usually do in a crazy, hysterical voice. Which I'm sure was bliss for him. He really hates my crazy, hysterical voice.
Today, we have rested and cleaned a bit and enjoyed time outside together. And I made taco soup for dinner. I kind of made up the recipe, so I hope it's good but it smells pretty damn good, and CD and Katniss Everdeen are suddenly my best friends, so they must think it smells pretty damn good too.
Of course after my perfect weekend, I have a crazy busy work week that involves lots of 5am mornings and one 3am morning. And I work every night this week--YAY!!
Except Wednesday, because it's the first presidential debate, and Joel and I have a debate date! I'm already trying to think up a hokey meal that's politics-related. I know you love this new domestic Casi. But don't get used to it. Who knows when all of this will fade, and I decide to order pizza for a week straight?
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Overcommitment-aholic
Lately I've been thinking a lot about overcommitment. I have had conversations about it, been listening to audio books about it, and taking note of when I do it and how I feel after.
The problem seems to be that I want to be the absolute best employee I can possibly be. I want to say yes to every request, I want to be there for anyone who needs help any time any day and anywhere, and I want to figure out a way to work in the car, on the toilet, or in my sleep so that I can get as much done as humanly possible.
I also want to be the best girlfriend I can possibly be. I want there to never be a dirty dish in the sink or a load of dirty laundry waiting to be done or put away or there never to be a night when I order pizza rather than cook a healthy meal. I want both of the animals to be fed and clean and loved on sufficiently. I want to be fun and exciting at a moment's notice and never have to ask that the trash be taken out or the floor be vaccumed. I never want to be so tired that I can't be understanding and loving.
I want to be an active member of my extended family. I want to spend time with both of my parents, my grandparents, brothers, and nephew without being asked or reminded or told how long it's been since I've visited. I don't want to miss family reunions and not even realize I did.
I want to be the friend that everyone can look to for lunches or dinners or drinks or coffees or slumber parties or weekend adventures anytime. I want to be the friend who remembers to send birthday cards and mother's day cards and supportive texts on especially tough or exciting days. I want to be the friend who's there for exciting and life-changing moments. I want to be the friend that my friends say, "you're always there," or "I knew I could count on you," or "I always have so much fun with you," and never "I miss you," or "it feels like years since I've seen you," or "where have you been?"
I want to give my time freely and without thought. I want to not have to look at the clock when I'm spending time with people and imagine how many minutes have passed that could have been used responding to emails or grocery shopping or cleaning something. I want to not avoid answering a phone call, because I know that I can't hang out or chat or give another presentation or make time for just one more family who needs one-on-one help. I want to drive the speed limit instead of rushing to get to an appointment on time or rushing to get home because I have 100 things to do before I go to bed. I want to read without falling asleep and write without forgetting to add pictures to my blog for two weeks, because I don't have the extra 15 minutes to organize them. I want to lie in bed for an extra ten minutes. I want to stay home and snuggle for an extra hour. I want to not have to say "I have to hang up now, I'm trying to carry in groceries."
And because of this, I overcommit. I say yes to everything or imagine that I can be there for everything. I book my calendar so tight that I have no free time for months. And I have to stop. In the end, I always seem to disappoint someone by canceling or rescheduling or not showing up. I have to learn to say "I'm sorry, I can't," or "no, thank you," or "that doesn't fit into my schedule." I have to admit I can't do it all and be it all to everyone. I had a massive breakdown Saturday night after an especially long, exciting, emotionally-taxing weekend. And with that, I began to cancel and reschedule things I'd committed to doing this week. I hate it, and it's hard, and it makes me want to cry thinking I might let someone down. But part of being a grown-up is realizing when you're overcommitting and learning how to stop. So here's my effort. I'll let you know how it goes.
The problem seems to be that I want to be the absolute best employee I can possibly be. I want to say yes to every request, I want to be there for anyone who needs help any time any day and anywhere, and I want to figure out a way to work in the car, on the toilet, or in my sleep so that I can get as much done as humanly possible.
I also want to be the best girlfriend I can possibly be. I want there to never be a dirty dish in the sink or a load of dirty laundry waiting to be done or put away or there never to be a night when I order pizza rather than cook a healthy meal. I want both of the animals to be fed and clean and loved on sufficiently. I want to be fun and exciting at a moment's notice and never have to ask that the trash be taken out or the floor be vaccumed. I never want to be so tired that I can't be understanding and loving.
I want to be an active member of my extended family. I want to spend time with both of my parents, my grandparents, brothers, and nephew without being asked or reminded or told how long it's been since I've visited. I don't want to miss family reunions and not even realize I did.
I want to be the friend that everyone can look to for lunches or dinners or drinks or coffees or slumber parties or weekend adventures anytime. I want to be the friend who remembers to send birthday cards and mother's day cards and supportive texts on especially tough or exciting days. I want to be the friend who's there for exciting and life-changing moments. I want to be the friend that my friends say, "you're always there," or "I knew I could count on you," or "I always have so much fun with you," and never "I miss you," or "it feels like years since I've seen you," or "where have you been?"
I want to give my time freely and without thought. I want to not have to look at the clock when I'm spending time with people and imagine how many minutes have passed that could have been used responding to emails or grocery shopping or cleaning something. I want to not avoid answering a phone call, because I know that I can't hang out or chat or give another presentation or make time for just one more family who needs one-on-one help. I want to drive the speed limit instead of rushing to get to an appointment on time or rushing to get home because I have 100 things to do before I go to bed. I want to read without falling asleep and write without forgetting to add pictures to my blog for two weeks, because I don't have the extra 15 minutes to organize them. I want to lie in bed for an extra ten minutes. I want to stay home and snuggle for an extra hour. I want to not have to say "I have to hang up now, I'm trying to carry in groceries."
And because of this, I overcommit. I say yes to everything or imagine that I can be there for everything. I book my calendar so tight that I have no free time for months. And I have to stop. In the end, I always seem to disappoint someone by canceling or rescheduling or not showing up. I have to learn to say "I'm sorry, I can't," or "no, thank you," or "that doesn't fit into my schedule." I have to admit I can't do it all and be it all to everyone. I had a massive breakdown Saturday night after an especially long, exciting, emotionally-taxing weekend. And with that, I began to cancel and reschedule things I'd committed to doing this week. I hate it, and it's hard, and it makes me want to cry thinking I might let someone down. But part of being a grown-up is realizing when you're overcommitting and learning how to stop. So here's my effort. I'll let you know how it goes.
Monday, September 24, 2012
100 Things Before 30: 20 Things I'm Proud I Did in my 20's
With my on-going project of 100 Things I Want to Do Before 30, I have compiled a list of the things I'm really proud to say I've already done!
1. Travel outside of the country. In 2008, I went out of the country for the first time. It was crazy to think I'd made it to 25 and not left the country. But then I waited another four years to leave again. I have been to both Mexico and Costa Rica and look forward to many, many more trips out of the country. In fact, I believe we'll be taking one for my 30th birthday.
2. Recognize that the grass always seems greener on the other side, but rarely is. This was a hard lesson to learn, and I still have to remind myself to live my life with this in mind. It's easy to think that you want what someone else has or even what everybody else has, but chances are good, they have complaints and wishes for greener grass as well.
3. Learn how to grocery shop. Not only can I do this, but I can do this like a mother f*cker.
4. Find a career you love. I somehow lucked into the career I have. I never imagined myself being in higher education or outreach, but after my very first professional job in college admissions, I was in love. And the passion has been blazing since.
5. Beware of credit cards. I have heard many a horror story about credit card debt and the pitfalls of it. My family never really used credit cards, so in my mind, it was never really an option. While I may wear my debit card out, I will never scan a credit card.
6. Be in a relationship with a purpose. This may sound silly, but so many of my past romantic relationships were purposeless. They may have felt purposeful, but looking back, my emotional wheels were spinning but not getting me anywhere. I finally feel happy and secure in a relationship that fits me.
7. Start a blog. Done and done.
8. Live on your own. When I was 21 years old, I moved into my first grown-up apartment. I did move back in with my mom for two months in 2008 to get back on my feet after a bad break-up. But I quickly got back up on those feet and lived on my own--all alone--until January 2012 when I moved in with Joel. But that totals 7 years of living on my own, most of those all alone. I have no doubts that I can make it on my own, stand on my own two feet, and be the independent goddess I can be.
9. Dine alone. I know lots of people who have never done this, but I, in the past, made an art of it. I worked in a career where I traveled alone most of the time for several years. In this time, I loved getting dressed up, going to dinner, sitting at the bar and having a drink...all alone. It gives me time to think, a chance to people watch, and honestly, makes me feel ultra glamorous.
10. Pay all my own bills. This goes with the living alone, but I started paying all of my own bills when I was 19 years old. There have been times I've been in some tough spots, and there have been times I've had to ask for help from some wonderful people in my life, and there have been times when I've just had to figure it out. But I have done it and still do and am extremely proud of that.
11. Ask out a crush. I remember when I was single and was interested in someone who wasn't asking me out, most of my friends would tell me to lay low, send subliminal messages, but never ask him out. But then one guy came along that I simply couldn't be coy with. And so I bit the bullet and asked him out. And over a year later, he realizes that was the best thing that could ever happen to him (or at least he freaking better).
12. Quit a job that wasn't right for me. I took a job in my early 20's and although I thought I wanted the job, and I thought it would make me happy, it didn't. It made me miserable. So I made a hard choice and didn't look back. And although it was scary at the time, it worked out for the best.
13. Do something everyone thought I shouldn't. Maybe not everyone, but lots of people thought I shouldn't move home in 2008. I had lived in Lexington for 7 years and had a pretty good life there. But I was yearning for a life in Owensboro. I wasn't close to my family (proximity-wise), and I was missing my nephew and three little brothers grow up. I took a lot of crap for making that decision, but I'm so happy I made it.
14. Move away from home. Again, I lived in Lexington for 7 years, and I'm so happy I was able to experience life outside of Owensboro. It was different and great and gave me memories to last a lifetime.
15. Move back home. Because it was absolutely right for me.
16. Fall in love. I have fallen in love, out of love, and stayed happily in love. It is the best feeling in the whole world and sometimes it can evoke the worst feelings in the whole world, but I am thankful for my experiences in love, and I can't wait to keep building on this certain love story that has my heart.
17. Opened my heart to someone. In my earlier 20's, I thought I wanted a bad boy. I mistook lust for love. I hurt people. I got hurt. I sabotaged perfectly good relationships. I waited around for people who weren't worth it. I let love get away. But through it, I learned that opening your heart doesn't always end in walking away with pieces missing. It can mean something new and wonderful and life-changing. And that's something I can get on board with.
18. Accept the things in my past so I can move forward. Big things have happened in my life that have broken me. Things that I thought I'd never get over or learn to deal with. As I have gotten older, however, I've learned to accept that those things are part of the journey that's leading me in the direction of happiness and wholeness.
19. Forgive someone. With the stories in my life that are full of pain and brokenness, there have been people along the way who hurt me or disappointed me or broke my heart. I have forgiven all of those people. Some of them are still in my life, some of them are no longer, but they are all forgiven in my book.
20. Forgive myself. I've made some pretty terrible decisions in my life. I've done things I'm not proud of. I've allowed myself to be in and stay in bad and even dangerous situations. For a long time, I didn't believe that I could keep myself safe or allow myself to be in healthy relationships. I was angry at myself for that. But in growing up and working through past mistakes, I have learned that I, too, am human and if I can forgive other people, I can forgive myself as well.
Keep checking back for my list 100 Things I Want to Do Before 30 and see how I'm making progress on the list!!
1. Travel outside of the country. In 2008, I went out of the country for the first time. It was crazy to think I'd made it to 25 and not left the country. But then I waited another four years to leave again. I have been to both Mexico and Costa Rica and look forward to many, many more trips out of the country. In fact, I believe we'll be taking one for my 30th birthday.
2. Recognize that the grass always seems greener on the other side, but rarely is. This was a hard lesson to learn, and I still have to remind myself to live my life with this in mind. It's easy to think that you want what someone else has or even what everybody else has, but chances are good, they have complaints and wishes for greener grass as well.
3. Learn how to grocery shop. Not only can I do this, but I can do this like a mother f*cker.
4. Find a career you love. I somehow lucked into the career I have. I never imagined myself being in higher education or outreach, but after my very first professional job in college admissions, I was in love. And the passion has been blazing since.
5. Beware of credit cards. I have heard many a horror story about credit card debt and the pitfalls of it. My family never really used credit cards, so in my mind, it was never really an option. While I may wear my debit card out, I will never scan a credit card.
6. Be in a relationship with a purpose. This may sound silly, but so many of my past romantic relationships were purposeless. They may have felt purposeful, but looking back, my emotional wheels were spinning but not getting me anywhere. I finally feel happy and secure in a relationship that fits me.
7. Start a blog. Done and done.
8. Live on your own. When I was 21 years old, I moved into my first grown-up apartment. I did move back in with my mom for two months in 2008 to get back on my feet after a bad break-up. But I quickly got back up on those feet and lived on my own--all alone--until January 2012 when I moved in with Joel. But that totals 7 years of living on my own, most of those all alone. I have no doubts that I can make it on my own, stand on my own two feet, and be the independent goddess I can be.
9. Dine alone. I know lots of people who have never done this, but I, in the past, made an art of it. I worked in a career where I traveled alone most of the time for several years. In this time, I loved getting dressed up, going to dinner, sitting at the bar and having a drink...all alone. It gives me time to think, a chance to people watch, and honestly, makes me feel ultra glamorous.
10. Pay all my own bills. This goes with the living alone, but I started paying all of my own bills when I was 19 years old. There have been times I've been in some tough spots, and there have been times I've had to ask for help from some wonderful people in my life, and there have been times when I've just had to figure it out. But I have done it and still do and am extremely proud of that.
11. Ask out a crush. I remember when I was single and was interested in someone who wasn't asking me out, most of my friends would tell me to lay low, send subliminal messages, but never ask him out. But then one guy came along that I simply couldn't be coy with. And so I bit the bullet and asked him out. And over a year later, he realizes that was the best thing that could ever happen to him (or at least he freaking better).
12. Quit a job that wasn't right for me. I took a job in my early 20's and although I thought I wanted the job, and I thought it would make me happy, it didn't. It made me miserable. So I made a hard choice and didn't look back. And although it was scary at the time, it worked out for the best.
13. Do something everyone thought I shouldn't. Maybe not everyone, but lots of people thought I shouldn't move home in 2008. I had lived in Lexington for 7 years and had a pretty good life there. But I was yearning for a life in Owensboro. I wasn't close to my family (proximity-wise), and I was missing my nephew and three little brothers grow up. I took a lot of crap for making that decision, but I'm so happy I made it.
14. Move away from home. Again, I lived in Lexington for 7 years, and I'm so happy I was able to experience life outside of Owensboro. It was different and great and gave me memories to last a lifetime.
15. Move back home. Because it was absolutely right for me.
16. Fall in love. I have fallen in love, out of love, and stayed happily in love. It is the best feeling in the whole world and sometimes it can evoke the worst feelings in the whole world, but I am thankful for my experiences in love, and I can't wait to keep building on this certain love story that has my heart.
17. Opened my heart to someone. In my earlier 20's, I thought I wanted a bad boy. I mistook lust for love. I hurt people. I got hurt. I sabotaged perfectly good relationships. I waited around for people who weren't worth it. I let love get away. But through it, I learned that opening your heart doesn't always end in walking away with pieces missing. It can mean something new and wonderful and life-changing. And that's something I can get on board with.
18. Accept the things in my past so I can move forward. Big things have happened in my life that have broken me. Things that I thought I'd never get over or learn to deal with. As I have gotten older, however, I've learned to accept that those things are part of the journey that's leading me in the direction of happiness and wholeness.
19. Forgive someone. With the stories in my life that are full of pain and brokenness, there have been people along the way who hurt me or disappointed me or broke my heart. I have forgiven all of those people. Some of them are still in my life, some of them are no longer, but they are all forgiven in my book.
20. Forgive myself. I've made some pretty terrible decisions in my life. I've done things I'm not proud of. I've allowed myself to be in and stay in bad and even dangerous situations. For a long time, I didn't believe that I could keep myself safe or allow myself to be in healthy relationships. I was angry at myself for that. But in growing up and working through past mistakes, I have learned that I, too, am human and if I can forgive other people, I can forgive myself as well.
Keep checking back for my list 100 Things I Want to Do Before 30 and see how I'm making progress on the list!!
Sunday, September 23, 2012
100 Things Before 30 List: 10 Things I Would Never Add
So I've been working on a blog project I'm really excited about where I'm identifying 100 (okay, it's actually shaping up to be 110) things I am going to do before I'm 30 and try to complete them all before the big day. I have spent the last week compiling my list, and for that, I did some extensive research on the internet of other people's suggestions. With that, I came across a few things I would never add to my list. And because you're dying to know, here they are:
1. Do unacceptable things to your hair. At first, I added this to my list. Then I started thinking about my job, my fear of having bad hair, and my commitment to high fashion (which also sometimes includes not putting on clothes all day or wearing the same yoga pants for an entire week). Suddenly, I panicked and marked it off my list. Maybe had I started my list when I was 22 or 17 or, oh, f*ck it, I would have never done unacceptable things to my hair. (Except for maybe not wash it for four straight days--which I do often.)
2. Savor the hangovers of your 20's. This is not going on the list because I absolutely hate hangovers with a fiery passion. So much so that I will sometimes sacrifice a little extra fun in an effort to avoid hangovers (crazy, I know). I have had more than my fair share of hangovers, and so now I would never again willingly sign up for one. Call me a grandma, that's cool. I'll call you the morning after drinking and sing you a song, since I won't be hungover.
3. Go to Vegas. I don't know why, but this is just not my cup of tea. Lots of people get super pumped about going to Vegas and go often and love it. I have not even an ounce of desire to go. This is what Vegas has to offer: alcohol. I have that at home. Big boobs: I don't have them myself and do not care to see them. Gambling: No, thank you. I prefer to, instead of taking $200 and trying to turn it into $400, take $200 and try to turn it into three or four new outfits for me! Sorry, Vegas, you didn't make the cut.
4. Run a marathon. Simple, I'd like to actually complete the things on the list.
5. Buy a house. Lots of people recommended adding this to your pre-30 brag points. This will not be going on my list because we already have a place to live. In fact, we have three.
6. Get purposefully sunburned. Recently on our trip to Orlando, I covered my powder white skin in SPF 100. Not only is getting sunburned uncomfortable and painful, but it is dangerous. I have been through the phases of laying out with baby oil on, going to the tanning bed daily, and dealing with the inevitable result of sun poisoning. I'll keep my milky-whiteness and my skin cancer-free body.
7. Own a convertible. Have you seen my hair after getting out of a convertible? Two words: rat's nest. Will never happen.
8. Bungee jump. Everyone says to add this to my list. I say they are crazy cakes.
9. Do something ridiculous like quit my job just to say I did it. Part of being in your late 20's is realizing how to be responsible when you need to be. I don't want to add anything to this list that would jeopardize the things I've worked hard to build. I'll be keeping my home, job, SO, and all other important things throughout this process.
10. Move away to live somewhere else. I have lived in another city in my lifetime, and it was an amazing experience that I will always cherish. But now, Owensboro is the place for me. It fits my lifestyle, and my job and loved ones are here. I will continue to travel, but I'm fairly sure that my roots will continue to spread in the good 'ole city of Owensboro, KY.
Keep checking back to see the 20 Things I'm Proud I Did in My 20's, the 100 Things I Want to Do Before 30, and the results as I work through the list!
1. Do unacceptable things to your hair. At first, I added this to my list. Then I started thinking about my job, my fear of having bad hair, and my commitment to high fashion (which also sometimes includes not putting on clothes all day or wearing the same yoga pants for an entire week). Suddenly, I panicked and marked it off my list. Maybe had I started my list when I was 22 or 17 or, oh, f*ck it, I would have never done unacceptable things to my hair. (Except for maybe not wash it for four straight days--which I do often.)
2. Savor the hangovers of your 20's. This is not going on the list because I absolutely hate hangovers with a fiery passion. So much so that I will sometimes sacrifice a little extra fun in an effort to avoid hangovers (crazy, I know). I have had more than my fair share of hangovers, and so now I would never again willingly sign up for one. Call me a grandma, that's cool. I'll call you the morning after drinking and sing you a song, since I won't be hungover.
3. Go to Vegas. I don't know why, but this is just not my cup of tea. Lots of people get super pumped about going to Vegas and go often and love it. I have not even an ounce of desire to go. This is what Vegas has to offer: alcohol. I have that at home. Big boobs: I don't have them myself and do not care to see them. Gambling: No, thank you. I prefer to, instead of taking $200 and trying to turn it into $400, take $200 and try to turn it into three or four new outfits for me! Sorry, Vegas, you didn't make the cut.
4. Run a marathon. Simple, I'd like to actually complete the things on the list.
5. Buy a house. Lots of people recommended adding this to your pre-30 brag points. This will not be going on my list because we already have a place to live. In fact, we have three.
6. Get purposefully sunburned. Recently on our trip to Orlando, I covered my powder white skin in SPF 100. Not only is getting sunburned uncomfortable and painful, but it is dangerous. I have been through the phases of laying out with baby oil on, going to the tanning bed daily, and dealing with the inevitable result of sun poisoning. I'll keep my milky-whiteness and my skin cancer-free body.
7. Own a convertible. Have you seen my hair after getting out of a convertible? Two words: rat's nest. Will never happen.
8. Bungee jump. Everyone says to add this to my list. I say they are crazy cakes.
9. Do something ridiculous like quit my job just to say I did it. Part of being in your late 20's is realizing how to be responsible when you need to be. I don't want to add anything to this list that would jeopardize the things I've worked hard to build. I'll be keeping my home, job, SO, and all other important things throughout this process.
10. Move away to live somewhere else. I have lived in another city in my lifetime, and it was an amazing experience that I will always cherish. But now, Owensboro is the place for me. It fits my lifestyle, and my job and loved ones are here. I will continue to travel, but I'm fairly sure that my roots will continue to spread in the good 'ole city of Owensboro, KY.
Keep checking back to see the 20 Things I'm Proud I Did in My 20's, the 100 Things I Want to Do Before 30, and the results as I work through the list!
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