Tuesdays are for Shopping

Last week, we were on vacation. These are postings in "real-time" And by, "real-time," I mean one week ago today. 

In VacationLand, it's Tuesday, so I'll catch you up on what we've been doing that I haven't already mentioned. 

Sunday was our one-year anniversary and after packing frantically, taking CD to the babysitter (aka His Grandpa (aka Joel's Dad) ), and driving to Nashville, we went out for a mini anniversary celebration at our new favorite spot, Bar Louie. We were exhausted, and in fact, ready to go to bed by 6pm, but decided to have a few drinks and enjoy each other's company before heading out for vacation. It was awesome, and we had a great time and took a super cute picture of ourselves on Joel's phone. But he refused to send it to me, because "you're gonna put it on your blog, aren't you." So you get no picture of that night. (Note to self: take that shit with our own phone.)

Monday, our flight was delayed so we decided to commence the celebration with beer and mimosas for breakfast. Everyone at Max and Erma's loved my idea of making mimosas with pineapple juice instead of orange juice, and I don't want to brag, but I'm somewhat famous in the Cincinnati area now. 

Because of our mimosa adventure, we got into a bit of a hurry and needed to use the moving walkway. I have never been on one of these, because it's stupid and simply I'm not coordinated enough to handle it. Joel made me suck it up and get on the damn walkway, and it jarred me so much that I may have pulled a muscle in my lower back. I also looked a bit like a drunk toddler on them and people stared. 

Then on the plane, I had to go to the bathroom so freaking bad that I started to hum aloud one long, constant note to keep myself from pissing my pants. There was a long, steady stream of people jumping up and going into the bathroom before I could get back there. I find it hardly fair that one frantic-looking lady got to use the facilities 16 times (I counted) during the flight, and I couldn't even go once. Then, when the plane was stopped and everyone was standing in the aisle waiting to get off, Joel encouraged me to "just go now." I got back there, took one look at the toilet, and couldn't pee for the rest of the day. I'm not even kidding. I don't know why my body hates me. 

When we got to the car rental place, we got to rent an ELECTRIC CAR!!! Seriously, for dirt cheap. $180 got us a Nissan Leaf for three whole days, and we did not have to pay a cent in gas. It was awesome. I predict we will own an electric car within the year. 

LOVED this car

We decided to have an early dinner on the resort, since we were both tired from being up since 4am and had buffalo calamari, Shock Top beer (MMMMM), and fajitas for dinner. Our server, Enrique gave us great tips of where to eat for the rest of the trip.

See what happens when I take photos on my phone?!?

Sometimes on trips, my colon decides to blockade itself so that I can't go to the bathroom the whole time I'm traveling. Sometimes, it panics and releases everything in it. This trip, it was the latter. Our bathroom at home is far from the bed, and we can't hear each other doing our business over the TV and fan. It is wonderful. This was not the case last night, as I was letting out a symphony of lovely sounds, trying to hold it in, making it even worse and louder, while Joel listened outside the door. Even though it's been a year and we've seen all sides of each other, I still can't let him see that side of me. So, when it's all done, I come out sheepishly and say "sowwy, honey." "Huh?" he replies, "I didn't hear anything." What. A. Gentleman.

Dinner at the resort

All dressed for dinner

Later, we were watching TV and came across an old episode of Full House. I confessed to him that growing up I was head over heels in love with Uncle Jessie. He says, "that fat guy on Dukes of Hazard?" Total generational moment.

Today, I got up and commenced with the shopping I have been longing for. Three hours, several bags, one cab ride home, and fist of money later, I have no idea how we're going to get all this shit home. 

Here's the breakdown. These were outlet malls, so I purchased: 

The LOOT

For Him: 4 button down shirts, 6 t-shirts, polos, or long-sleeve, 1 pr jeans, and 2 Columbia jackets (one winter/one rain). 
For Her: 9 shirts, 1 sweater, 1 cardigan, 3 dresses, 1 pr DKNY jeans, and 2 Columbia jackets (one winter/one rain). 

What it would have been if not on sale: $1,385.
What is was because I'm an amazing shopper: $640.

It was amazing and although I had to transfer money from savings twice and call BB&T and ask them to please turn my f*cking credit card back on (again), we now have fall wardrobes. 

Currently I'm writing at the pool outside our room. Here's a shot of it:

When you're on vacation, you have time to paint all ten!

Stay tuned for more vacation fun!

Mondays are for Mini Meltdowns, Even on Vacation

Last week, we were on vacation. These are postings in "real-time" And by, "real-time," I mean one week ago today. 

This weekend was quite interesting because, as usual, I had booked myself so tight that I could barely stop to glance in the mirror to see how big my stress-induced Mt Vesuvius zit on my forehead had gotten. Saturday was tons of fun because I was able to take my sweet, pint sized man (that's Jaxon. Joel is 6'1, that hardly counts as pint-sized) to a cool festival  Owensboro had and throw a mini bday party for him since we'd be missing his party on Sunday.

The day was great, but at the end of it I had a mini meltdown because I always feel so exhausted and pressed for time and can never call people back or return emails or visit people the way I'd like to and despite getting to do fun things, I wasn't able to do the have-to things to prepare for our trip, which meant rushing around Sunday morning and forgetting important things like our unlimited trolley passes for Orlando.

On the car ride home Saturday night, I was confessing to Joel how tired and stressed I am and have been and will be from now until the minute I die an early death because that's what being so stressed all the time does to an otherwise healthy heart, and I just lost my shit. I started crying and talking about childhood traumas and random things like being forced to go to Florida and show off my milky whiteness since I didn't have time to spray tan and having only one toenail painted because that's all I had time for. So when I say mini meltdown, I mean I completely fell the fuck apart.

But for the rest of the night, he was awesomely sweet and attentive and basically waited on me hand and foot. So maybe I should have breakdowns more often. Or maybe if I do, he'll think I'm even more batshit crazy than he already does. Which, surprise Joel, I really am super batshit crazy and will never stop over-extending myself, being in a hurry 100% of the time, and having exhaustion-induced breakdowns (even if it is the day before we leave for a relaxing vacation).

Luckily, now that we're officially on vacation, I can drink alcohol at leisure (like with breakfast) and read and walk slowly and sometimes just sit and think without someone trying to talk to me or schedule me to do something. Sweet, sweet relief.

And Finally: 100 Things I Want to Do Before 30 (THE LIST)

Here it is! The list of 100 Things I Want to Do Before 30. (Spoiler alert: There are actually 110.) Some I have done before but want to do again in the next months, some I've never done, some I need to adopt as part of my post-30 lifestyle. I'll update the list as fun things happen or new lessons are learned. Keep checking back to see my progress!

Fun

1. Take advantage of an open bar. 

2. Sing out loud in a public place.

3. Play elementary school type sports. Kickball, dodge ball, etc.

4. Have one day of complete indulgence.

5. Stay up all night. 

6. Enjoy a late night diner/4am meal. 

7. Buy as much as possible from Forever 21. 

8. Go to/host a theme party.

9. Skip Black Friday, take advantage of Cyber Monday. 

10. When eating finger foods, use the hell out of dipping sauce. Don't be bashful. 

11. If you don't have to eat Ramen noodles, do it anyway to keep yourself humble.

12. Watch 5 of the top 50 movies on IMDb. 

13. Camp in a tent. 

14. Surf. 

15. Keep a plant alive for a year. 

16. Sleep under the stars. 

17. Sing karaoke. 

18. Try snowboarding. 

19. Go to a waterpark and not feel scared or self conscious. 

20. Catch a fish. 

21. Upgrade one room in my house. 

22. Go skinny-dipping. 

23. Take a dance lesson. 

24. Kiss in the rain. 

25. Go skiing. 

26. Tip a server with something other than money. 

27. Play a drinking game.  

28. Drive more than 100 mph. 

29. Drink absynthe. 

30. Lick a 9 volt battery. 

31. Take part in a motorsport. 

32. Set off a fire extinguisher. 

33. Watch all the Monty Python movies. 

35. Get a perfectly justified parking ticket. 

35. Make a bet you can't afford to lose. 

36. Drive on the Pacific Coast Highway. 

37. Go to a music festival. 

38. Try a unique and rare food. 

39. Try three restaurants featured on the Food Network. 

40. Blow $500 in one night. 

41. Buy wine worth more than $50. 

42. Shoot something. 

43. Break something--not a bone!!

44. Use an entire roll of gaff/duct tape in one day. 

45. Make a pointless modification to your home. 

Right of Passage

1. Take (another) trip abroad.

2. Sit down, unplug, and read fiction. Every day for an entire week.

3. Take a road trip.

4. Accept that you can't please everybody, and then decide which select few opinions and feelings you value enough to try and satisfy.

5. Enjoy the journey. The destination is fun, but sometimes the journey is the best part. 

6. Live as if you're not going to make it to 30. 

7. Don't confuse the people who are always present with the people who are always there.

8. Make a point to have too good of a time today to worry about tomorrow.

9. Lay off the current generation of teenagers.

10. Step outside of your comfort zone. Be willing to learn and take on challenges you may not want to do. 

11. Be thankful for what you have. 

12. Start investing.

13. Invest in yourself. Take classes, read books, learn a new skill. 

14. Develop your best skills.

15. Take a girlfriend road trip. 

16. Go hiking. (in Europe, if possible)

17. Watch a movie in a theatre alone. 

18. Buy an expensive piece of jewelry for yourself. 

19. Read one meaning book from the Bible all the way through. 

20. Get something free from a masterpiece of complaining. 

21. Get something published. 

22, Test myself: do something I would never do in a million years. 

23. Spend a weekend in New York. 

24. Read 5 books I've always wanted to read. 

25. Reread 5 books I love. 

26. Climb a mountain. 

27. Take a weekend break more than 4 hours from home. 

28. Take part in a demonstration. 

29. Start a novel. 

30. Have a difficult conversation with someone I love very much. 

Civic

1. Volunteer. 

2. Donate to charity. 

3. Take on a mentee.

4. Take food to an animal shelter and walk a dog while I'm there.

5. Give something I don't want to get rid of to someone in need. 

Practical Tips

1. Learn that I don't have to respond to every text, email, or phone call. Go an entire day without technology. I can do this on vacation, but I want to do it in real life.

2. Learn to cook. That's lofty, so cook one complete meal for dinner. Complete with wine and beer pairings.

3. Keep making friends.

4. Don't allow your mood to be linked to your bank account.

5. Whether big or small, always have something to look forward to.

6. Spend more money on experiences and less on material things.

7. Save money whenever possible.

8. Listen and ruminate, but never make important decisions based on others' advice.

9. Live the life you want to live, not the life others expect you to live.

10. Meet with a financial planner or advisor. 

11. Track your expenses for a month.

12. Prioritize. Learn the difference between being busy and being productive.

13. Set up a financial plan. 

14. Save 10% of each paycheck. 

15. Establish healthy eating habits.

16. Set aside time for you. 

17. Be aware of etiquette. 

18. Be a good friend.

19. Create an emergency fund. 

20. Have a complete health check. 

Personal

1. Reconnect with someone I have lost touch with.

2. Try and take notes on 30 different types of wine.

3. Buy an entire outfit for full price.

4. Find a mentor.

5. Know what you're getting into.

5. Try the "BEST" of 30 things. (wine, steak, sushi, fish, pillow, sheets, beer, chocolate, bread, butter, cake, etc)

6. Finish my Master's. 

7. Pay off college debt. 

8. Become fluent in something. 

9. Make my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health a priority. 

10. Start recording my family history. 

Everything I Need to Know I Learned While Drinking Wine

Maybe you've heard of the poem Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. Well, they were really onto something, and it became abundantly clear last night that some people failed the kindergarten of life.

It is Sharla's birth month, so we decided to celebrate by going to a Jazz and Wine Fest in downtown Evansville. We brought along our good friend, Leslie, and Sharla's husband, Jody. Poor guy, he was completely surrounded by gossiping girls. 

We went to this wine fest as a much larger group two years ago and had an absolute blast. 

But it wasn't nearly as crowded as it was this year. In the year since we've been, they have downgraded to plastic glasses (such bullshit) and cut three hours off the time frame of the event. I'm guessing since people (like me) couldn't start drinking at 1pm this year, they packed the streets at 4:00 when it opened. As we passed super crowded "booze tents" as some drunk called them (that drunk was not me--promise), I got the brilliant idea to pass up the tents near the entrance and go to the ones farther away hoping they were less crowded. This was not the case. The line at the tent we ended up at was through the tent, out the side of the tent, and down the street. 

We waited to taste our first sample of wine for an hour and fifteen minutes. This was fine by us, because we were catching up, and friending each other on Instagram, and otherwise occupying ourselves. At the very same moment, our blood sugar was plummeting, and we all started to feel a bit cranky. 

Then, some assholes decided they didn't need to wait in the hour-long line and that they could cut in front of us. At first, we were all just a bit perturbed. Then as this trend really caught on, I decided I'd had enough, and my hangry self walked up to this group of selfish cutters, knocked their glasses out of their hands, shoved my empty plastic cup down the throat of the one who commented on the long line despite having just cut it, and basically dominated the wine festival and drank all the wine for myself. Except that only happened in my dream after I passed out from lack of food and wine. Except that didn't happen either. 

What really happened was that we finally made it to the taste-test area and no one would give us samples so we started helping ourselves while loudly commenting on the f*ck faces who'd cut in front of us. Then I purchased 8 bottles of wine and drank as much as I wanted in front of the cutters who were still waiting to get samples. And ate some kind of blackberry chicken mashed potato pita, because I was about to go into shock from low blood sugar. 

But after our it's never okay to cut lesson, the night was amazing. We sampled lots of really good wine, lots of wine that tasted like hooch, bought some (seriously 8 bottles for me) to bring home and drink later (or last night as soon as I got home), and made lots of good birthday memories!

 

Earlier in the day, my fam met up at a Catholic Church picnic to watch my sis-in-law's band, Dysfunctional Groove, play, and they were awesome! And we were so proud of her!! And I made my brothers do a little family photo shoot with me. And they loved it. 

And Stink played an Angry Birds game that made him an angry bird.

And this guy was the highlight of my life. 

And this is how I feel today. 

Be sure to tune in tomorrow and the rest of the week to hear about our Orlando vacation adventures from last week!! You'll love every minute of it, and I'll pretend I'm still on vacation because I have to work 110 hours this week. YAY!!

Don't Call It a Comeback

Friends, Family, Two Other People Who Read My Blog--

I know I posted a couple of times this past week, but you may have noticed I was being a bit vague as to what I had been up to. Maybe you didn't notice, in which case, mission accomplished. In your face.

I was being vague because I was on vacation!!! Joel had to attend a solar conference in Orlando, FL, and I decided he should never get to do anything fun without me, so I tagged along. He hates it when I put stuff about going on vacation in a public forum--let's be honest, he hates it when I put anything at all about our lives in a public forum--so I promised not to mention being out of town on my blog until we returned. And because I don't like people robbing us either, I upheld that promise.

You'll be happy to know that while I was on vacation, I wrote about what I was doing and how things were going, and I saved each and every one for you. My plan is to post them on the days that I wrote them only one week ahead, while we're actually here to keep the burglars who read my blog out of the house (keep up now, if I wrote it on Saturday of last week, I'll post it on Saturday of this week, get it? Good.).

But because I know you can't wait, here's a sneak preview of the vacay:

Clearly, we had a rip-roaring good time. More to come later. 

Also, during my trip, I came up with some super fun and super cool new stuff for my blog that you'll be seeing over the next few months and even over the next year! (Yes, I do plan some of this rambling out in advance.) I know you're about to pee your pants you're so excited. AND, Joel gave me his old Mac laptop to start blogging from, which means that shit is getting real, guys. Now I can lie in bed and blog and comment without my iPad being an asshole. I'm pumped.

And one more thing, for your photo-viewing enjoyment. I took my little mansy, Jack, to a festival Owensboro had last weekend called the East Bridge Art Festival (although, as my sis-in-law pointed out, the bridge is absolutely north), and we had all kinds of fun. Then we had a mini belated bday party for him at the farm since we would miss his party on Sunday.  Here are some pics of that!

The Big Blue Bridge of Owensboro

He's too cool for his own good

My sweet boys
(Joel was working hard for the money and couldn't come)

I swear this is a dress, and that I didn't go pantless to a festival

My brother helped draw that shit, ya'll. So cool.

Jack and friends: bunch of monkeys

Jaxon helping with his school's chalk drawing

Bubble Art!

Look closely, there's a Stink Monster in there

We got him an electric guitar for his bday.
(Such a sweet pic of Joel and Jack)

Everyone have a great Friday, and if you'll excuse me, it's 5:00 and time to start drinking. :)

September 11, 2001: Never Forget

I had been at my small, liberal arts college for a little over a week. I was still trying to be somewhat healthy and got up at 8am and got my ass to the gym. (What I wouldn't give for that 115 lb ass now that I thought was so huge back then.) I walked into the gym and noticed a couple of upperclass girls who I'd already decided were awesome and I wanted to be friends with. I shot smiles at them and proceeded to get down to business on the treadmill. CNN morning was news was on the television, and the girls were all getting a pretty good laugh over--what I had gathered to be--a plane that had just idiotically crashed into a building. One of the twin towers to be exact. I remember them commenting on just how bad a pilot had to be to crash into a building this huge this blatantly. You see, the sound was off on the television, and we all thought it was just some silly, albeit scary and tragic accident.

As we were watching the coverage of this lost pilot, we realized another plane was headed straight for the other building. Suddenly, as impact was made, the treadmills were absent-mindedly turned off, the laughter stopped, and we all stared, mouths agape, at the TV. For what felt like 10 years, no one spoke.

As the towers began to crumble,one girl sobbed, 'oh my God,' and tears began to stream down a few other girls' faces. I had no idea what was going on. I was terrified and confused and didn't know what any of this meant or why it was happening.

I silently walked back to my hall where the other girls were still sound asleep. I woke my roommate whose boyfriend was deployed to tell her the news. She burst into tears and immediately began trying to contact him. I went to the girls across the hall to wake them, and soon the entire floor was huddled in my RA's room watching coverage. We hugged, cried, comforted my roomie all we could while we pondered what our world would look like from this point forward.

To this day, I cannot watch coverage of that day without crying. Hearing the sheer panic in the voices of spectators, hearing the resignation in the voices of passengers calling to say goodbye to their loved ones, and remembering the fear we all felt hundreds of miles away and tucked into the safety of our Kentucky college campus.

Since that day, I have watched many documentaries, and honestly, I still can't tell you what I believe happened that day. But, today, 11 years from
when so many people lost their lives; so many lost husbands, wives, children, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, and friends; so many valiantly gave their lives in pursuit of a rescue mission, I choose to remember them. I choose to think about the innocent victims of this tragedy and the heroic men in uniform who fight to keep us free. Here's to you. May God be with your families and this country. Forever.

Five Random Opinions (Rachel's Linky Party Fun)

I recently posted an opinion post (that now has everyone I know scared to speak to me for fear of critique--let me help out, I am critiquing you, but only judging if I don't love you), but today Rachel over at LalaLists is having a linky party that's opinion-themed. (Autocorrect really wanted to change that to kinky party, which would have changed this post altogether, and I'm not sure Rachel wants me telling the world about her having those kind of parties!) So, because you can't get enough, here are five random opinions.


Crocs are stupid. You will never, ever find crocs on my feet unless in the case of my untimely death, someone puts them on me in my casket to get back at me for something I did like correcting their grammar and chiding them for bad fashion choices. In which case, I will come back as an actual crocodile and bite that person's feet off. Laugh last? All mine.

You should respect the president whether you agree with him or not. I once had a teacher I hated and she hated me back. I wore lip gloss to her class and she made me wash it off. From that day forward, I chose to believe she hated me because I was prettier than her. Even though I hated her, I respected her. She was my teacher, and it was only right of me to not undermine her authority, defy her, or defame her. And the same goes with the leader of our country. The things I have heard people say lately make me cringe. At the end of the day, he deserves respect. His job is much harder than yours even on its worst day. And a little more love and respect in any situation can't hurt. So give it up.

When people say amaze balls, totes, or woot, I want to poke them in the eye. It makes me scream. It's like fingernails on a chalk board to me. These are made-up words that should have never been made up. Totes is the least offensive, but you sound like a modern day, albeit stupider version of Bill, Ted, Wayne or Garth. As if 'totally' doesn't make you sound stupid enough, you're not even smart enough to finish the word. And who decided woot is a celebratory word? It is typically the word that comes out of my mouth when I slip on water and catch myself before anyone important sees. Or the word that pops out on the occasion that I realize there was a little more substance to a fart than originally thought. Not a word used to tell someone I'm excited about something. So shut the woot up. The worst one is amaze balls. I have yet to see a pair of these that count as amazing, much less that are so awe-inspiring that I want to turn it into a positive adjective. Why did we add balls to an otherwise good word?? Wise up, people of the world, and stop making yourself look stupider using these dumb words.

Bare minerals is maybe the best thing I've ever put on my face (besides a kiss from my sweet SO, that is). I'll admit, I was resistant to it at first. I kept thinking my face looks far too shitty to get all the coverage I need out of a powder. I need coverage the consistency of paint and primer duo. But my good friend, Shelley began singing the praises of BareMinerals and my face did it's once a year freak-out around the same time. Covered in zits, red splotches, and dry patches, I decided I needed a miracle. And Bare Minerals was it. From the moment I began using my THREE kits I purchased, I have been a believer. The coverage is amazing, it makes me look bright and not old, and feels like I have nothing on my face. I'm in love, and it feels so good.

Of all the things that piss me off, LOL might be the biggest one. Let me let you in on a little secret: haha (an actual laugh/onamonapia) is a mere one letter longer! And rarely does something make me, in fact, laugh out loud. At which point, I'm so appreciative of the chuckle that I say 'I laughed out loud.' I have deleted phone numbers of potential suitors for the use of LOL. And my close friends know how I hate it, although I will forgive an occasional slip if I love you. (or in Joel's case, I will respond, 'That was funny, but don't use LOL.' I can't explain the fury it ignites in me, but it's there. And it's easy to alleviate. With a simple 'haha.'

There you have it. Five opinions that your day wouldn't be complete without. Dear World, you are welcome.