Don't Call It a Comeback

Friends, Family, Two Other People Who Read My Blog--

I know I posted a couple of times this past week, but you may have noticed I was being a bit vague as to what I had been up to. Maybe you didn't notice, in which case, mission accomplished. In your face.

I was being vague because I was on vacation!!! Joel had to attend a solar conference in Orlando, FL, and I decided he should never get to do anything fun without me, so I tagged along. He hates it when I put stuff about going on vacation in a public forum--let's be honest, he hates it when I put anything at all about our lives in a public forum--so I promised not to mention being out of town on my blog until we returned. And because I don't like people robbing us either, I upheld that promise.

You'll be happy to know that while I was on vacation, I wrote about what I was doing and how things were going, and I saved each and every one for you. My plan is to post them on the days that I wrote them only one week ahead, while we're actually here to keep the burglars who read my blog out of the house (keep up now, if I wrote it on Saturday of last week, I'll post it on Saturday of this week, get it? Good.).

But because I know you can't wait, here's a sneak preview of the vacay:

Clearly, we had a rip-roaring good time. More to come later. 

Also, during my trip, I came up with some super fun and super cool new stuff for my blog that you'll be seeing over the next few months and even over the next year! (Yes, I do plan some of this rambling out in advance.) I know you're about to pee your pants you're so excited. AND, Joel gave me his old Mac laptop to start blogging from, which means that shit is getting real, guys. Now I can lie in bed and blog and comment without my iPad being an asshole. I'm pumped.

And one more thing, for your photo-viewing enjoyment. I took my little mansy, Jack, to a festival Owensboro had last weekend called the East Bridge Art Festival (although, as my sis-in-law pointed out, the bridge is absolutely north), and we had all kinds of fun. Then we had a mini belated bday party for him at the farm since we would miss his party on Sunday.  Here are some pics of that!

The Big Blue Bridge of Owensboro

He's too cool for his own good

My sweet boys
(Joel was working hard for the money and couldn't come)

I swear this is a dress, and that I didn't go pantless to a festival

My brother helped draw that shit, ya'll. So cool.

Jack and friends: bunch of monkeys

Jaxon helping with his school's chalk drawing

Bubble Art!

Look closely, there's a Stink Monster in there

We got him an electric guitar for his bday.
(Such a sweet pic of Joel and Jack)

Everyone have a great Friday, and if you'll excuse me, it's 5:00 and time to start drinking. :)

September 11, 2001: Never Forget

I had been at my small, liberal arts college for a little over a week. I was still trying to be somewhat healthy and got up at 8am and got my ass to the gym. (What I wouldn't give for that 115 lb ass now that I thought was so huge back then.) I walked into the gym and noticed a couple of upperclass girls who I'd already decided were awesome and I wanted to be friends with. I shot smiles at them and proceeded to get down to business on the treadmill. CNN morning was news was on the television, and the girls were all getting a pretty good laugh over--what I had gathered to be--a plane that had just idiotically crashed into a building. One of the twin towers to be exact. I remember them commenting on just how bad a pilot had to be to crash into a building this huge this blatantly. You see, the sound was off on the television, and we all thought it was just some silly, albeit scary and tragic accident.

As we were watching the coverage of this lost pilot, we realized another plane was headed straight for the other building. Suddenly, as impact was made, the treadmills were absent-mindedly turned off, the laughter stopped, and we all stared, mouths agape, at the TV. For what felt like 10 years, no one spoke.

As the towers began to crumble,one girl sobbed, 'oh my God,' and tears began to stream down a few other girls' faces. I had no idea what was going on. I was terrified and confused and didn't know what any of this meant or why it was happening.

I silently walked back to my hall where the other girls were still sound asleep. I woke my roommate whose boyfriend was deployed to tell her the news. She burst into tears and immediately began trying to contact him. I went to the girls across the hall to wake them, and soon the entire floor was huddled in my RA's room watching coverage. We hugged, cried, comforted my roomie all we could while we pondered what our world would look like from this point forward.

To this day, I cannot watch coverage of that day without crying. Hearing the sheer panic in the voices of spectators, hearing the resignation in the voices of passengers calling to say goodbye to their loved ones, and remembering the fear we all felt hundreds of miles away and tucked into the safety of our Kentucky college campus.

Since that day, I have watched many documentaries, and honestly, I still can't tell you what I believe happened that day. But, today, 11 years from
when so many people lost their lives; so many lost husbands, wives, children, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, and friends; so many valiantly gave their lives in pursuit of a rescue mission, I choose to remember them. I choose to think about the innocent victims of this tragedy and the heroic men in uniform who fight to keep us free. Here's to you. May God be with your families and this country. Forever.

Five Random Opinions (Rachel's Linky Party Fun)

I recently posted an opinion post (that now has everyone I know scared to speak to me for fear of critique--let me help out, I am critiquing you, but only judging if I don't love you), but today Rachel over at LalaLists is having a linky party that's opinion-themed. (Autocorrect really wanted to change that to kinky party, which would have changed this post altogether, and I'm not sure Rachel wants me telling the world about her having those kind of parties!) So, because you can't get enough, here are five random opinions.


Crocs are stupid. You will never, ever find crocs on my feet unless in the case of my untimely death, someone puts them on me in my casket to get back at me for something I did like correcting their grammar and chiding them for bad fashion choices. In which case, I will come back as an actual crocodile and bite that person's feet off. Laugh last? All mine.

You should respect the president whether you agree with him or not. I once had a teacher I hated and she hated me back. I wore lip gloss to her class and she made me wash it off. From that day forward, I chose to believe she hated me because I was prettier than her. Even though I hated her, I respected her. She was my teacher, and it was only right of me to not undermine her authority, defy her, or defame her. And the same goes with the leader of our country. The things I have heard people say lately make me cringe. At the end of the day, he deserves respect. His job is much harder than yours even on its worst day. And a little more love and respect in any situation can't hurt. So give it up.

When people say amaze balls, totes, or woot, I want to poke them in the eye. It makes me scream. It's like fingernails on a chalk board to me. These are made-up words that should have never been made up. Totes is the least offensive, but you sound like a modern day, albeit stupider version of Bill, Ted, Wayne or Garth. As if 'totally' doesn't make you sound stupid enough, you're not even smart enough to finish the word. And who decided woot is a celebratory word? It is typically the word that comes out of my mouth when I slip on water and catch myself before anyone important sees. Or the word that pops out on the occasion that I realize there was a little more substance to a fart than originally thought. Not a word used to tell someone I'm excited about something. So shut the woot up. The worst one is amaze balls. I have yet to see a pair of these that count as amazing, much less that are so awe-inspiring that I want to turn it into a positive adjective. Why did we add balls to an otherwise good word?? Wise up, people of the world, and stop making yourself look stupider using these dumb words.

Bare minerals is maybe the best thing I've ever put on my face (besides a kiss from my sweet SO, that is). I'll admit, I was resistant to it at first. I kept thinking my face looks far too shitty to get all the coverage I need out of a powder. I need coverage the consistency of paint and primer duo. But my good friend, Shelley began singing the praises of BareMinerals and my face did it's once a year freak-out around the same time. Covered in zits, red splotches, and dry patches, I decided I needed a miracle. And Bare Minerals was it. From the moment I began using my THREE kits I purchased, I have been a believer. The coverage is amazing, it makes me look bright and not old, and feels like I have nothing on my face. I'm in love, and it feels so good.

Of all the things that piss me off, LOL might be the biggest one. Let me let you in on a little secret: haha (an actual laugh/onamonapia) is a mere one letter longer! And rarely does something make me, in fact, laugh out loud. At which point, I'm so appreciative of the chuckle that I say 'I laughed out loud.' I have deleted phone numbers of potential suitors for the use of LOL. And my close friends know how I hate it, although I will forgive an occasional slip if I love you. (or in Joel's case, I will respond, 'That was funny, but don't use LOL.' I can't explain the fury it ignites in me, but it's there. And it's easy to alleviate. With a simple 'haha.'

There you have it. Five opinions that your day wouldn't be complete without. Dear World, you are welcome.

Casi and Joel: A Year in Photos

It's a big day in the Clark/Osborne home, so I thought I'd take a break from my as-of-late rants and celebrate...mine and Joel's one year anniversary! Now, there is some debate over the actual date that should be celebrated, as our first date was Sept. 8 of last year, but on Sept. 9 of last year (our second date), Joel said, "Oh! Wouldn't 9-9-11 be a great anniversary?" And so it was. The rest is history.

 I have compiled my favorite pics from the last twelve months for you here.

Casi and Joel: A Year in Pictures

Sept 2011 at the farm

Oct 2011 Halloween

Nov 2011 Buffalo Road Show in IN

Nov 2011 Thanksgiving (Christmas Card Pic)

Dec 2011 Fiorella Christmas Party

Dec 2011 Pryor/Clark/Spalding etc Family Potluck

Dec2011/Jan 2012 New Year's Eve

Feb 2012 Costa Rica--My 29th Bday

Feb 2012 Costa Rica

March 2012 Family Time

April 2012 Melting Pot with the Barrs

April 2012 at the Farm (Blurry but my favorite picture!!)

May 2012 Cinco de Mayo!

June 2012 Joel's Temporary Tattoo 

July 2012 Baker/Roberts Wedding

July 2012 Newton Lake Trip

July 2012 Fourth of July Celebration

July 2012 Fourth of July Celebratory Kiss

August 2012 Dancing at the Yellow Rose

August 2012 Brunch in Nashville with Scott and Rachel

Excited for many, many more years together!

Things That Make Me Go UGH!

Confession: I have been one grumpy asshole lately. Little things have been setting me off and making me want to drop kick everything and everyone around me. I'm sure this has nothing to do with the week of the month that is upon me or my Holy-Shit-Have-I-Even-Taken-A-Break-To-Pee-Today Schedule, but I am--as of this moment--officially on vacation for the next 6 days. (Not 7, because I'm dumb and booked a 12 hour day next Friday--YAY!) So it's time to buck the hell up. But first, here is a list of five things that always--not just this week--piss me off. (More than five things routinely piss me off, but, hell, there are only 24 hours in a day. I can't be sitting here typing for all of them.) ENJOY!

--Mispronouncing the H in words. It makes me cringe. When people say Herb instead of --erb. And then when the same people say --uman instead of Human. (Mom, I'm only slightly talking about you. Other people do it too.) I think it should be labeled as some sort of disorder. In fact, mispronouncing things in general pisses me off. We have a county in Kentucky called McCREARY. People around me say McQUERY. I silently scream in my head every time.

--Poor grammar. This is a biggie for me. I will correct your ass in a second. Even if I barely know you. Subject/verb agreement is a basic concept, and I firmly believe if you haven't grasped it, you should be pushed back to kindergarten and forced to repeat every grade Billy Madison-style. I also will cringe when people misuse -ly. If you don't know if you are misusing it, look it up! I once purchased $80 worth of Grammar Girl's books to prove I know everything about grammar just to learn more. And if you wonder if you're getting your grammar right, you should too. It honestly is one of my biggest pet peeves.

--Inappropriate responses to email or text. I don't mean like you say:
"Hey can I visit Thursday?"
And they say "F*** you, Mother F***er!" or "Only if you're naked."
I mean like you say, "I can visit either Thursday or Friday. Which is better?"
And they say, "Sounds great!"
Ummm, no. Answer the damn question.
I always want to reply "Read that one more time and try again."  
It also drives me crazy when you send an email with more than one question, and someone responds with an answer to only the first or last question.
Like "Hey, I am coming Thursday. Do you want me to bring that cardigan for? Also, I'm getting McDonald's, what would you like me to get you? And would you like fries with that?" 
And they reply "Fries sound great! See you soon!" 
So, just as punishment, I am going to get McDonald's for me and eat my damn fries in front of you until you learn how to read an entire email or text.
I'm busy too. We all are. But you can take half a second and read an email, so that your response is appropriate.

--Inappropriate usage of quotes. Dear God, this makes me want to unfriend people on facebook daily. You only put quotes around actual quotes and when you're being ironic. Like if I said for the next week I'm going to "work hard." Because I'm on vacation, the work I'm referring to is putting the wine glass to my mouth. But when people post on facebook and say last night's concert was really "great" and you're an "amazing" singer, it makes me wonder if the concert was shit and the singer sounded like a dead moose. Because if it actually was great, don't use those f*cking quotes.

--Adding an s to words that don't need it. If you know me, you've probably heard me rant about this before. And I have often wondered if this is exclusively an Owensboro thing or if it is found 'round the world. But for a fact, people around here put an s on almost everything. Stores, restaurant names, bands, you name it, they're adding an s. We have a band in town called The Usual. (Like 'what will you have?' 'I'll have The Usual.') The people of Owensboro call them: The Usuals. They aren't the Wiggles, people! We have a restaurant called Shogun. No s. People say Shoguns. And then they'll say "Oh, it shows ownership." Bullshit!! Shogun is not a person!! And Kentucky has a basketball team called...THE KENTUCKY BISONS. C'mon, people, bison is plural!! That's like saying ChineseS. And my all-time, biggest ugh-inducer is when people say Krogers. When they tell me they went to Krogers to get it, I like to say "how many?" and when they look at me dumbfounded, I say "How many Krogers did you have to go to?"

There ya go, friends. Five of the biggest things that piss me off. So watch your words, or you might just get drop-kicked!

Best Blog Project Ever!

Joel just had the best idea he's ever had. No!--before you ask--he didn't propose.

He told me that, for my blog, and for the betterment of my future, I should make a list of 100 things you can't get away with in your 30's, and do one of those things each day of the last 100 days of my 20's.

Gang, this countdown starts in exactly 66 days (do the math, that means a mere 166 days until I'm 30), so I have to get cracking on this project.

I love this idea, so I have taken to the internet to get sample lists of the last 100 things to do in my 20's. Once I compile the list, I will share it with you here, and then complete one thing on the list every day until I reach 30.

Then I'm working on a sweet list of all the things my 20's have taught me. And maybe I'll learn some lessons whilst doing the last 100 things I can get away with as a 20-something!

Opinions are Like Assholes: I'm Surrounded by Them

So, it's a Presidential Election Year. (For the record, I hate when people say it's an election year. Note: every year is an election year, just not a presidential election year.)

But because we are a mere 63 days from the day we'll all (18 and older, only, please) vote for our choice for the next President of the US of A, people's opinions have kicked into high gear. As a rule, I rarely discuss politics or religion with people I'm not super, super familiar with (like we can talk about it and even if we disagree and think each other are idiots, you'll still love me and I still love you). I think it's silly when people get into heated debates over touchy topics as if there's some possible way that one party is going to say, "You know what?? You're right. I've been wrong all along. I'll change my opinions and beliefs on the double!" Mostly it's going to end in uncomfortable silence, a punch in the face, or a riot on the streets of Chicago. (Don't even get me started on politics and facebook. SUCH a huge pet peeve of mine!) I always think it best that we leave these opinions to the voting booth, the almighty use of our dollars, and who we pray to, meditate to, or pretend doesn't exist.

Unfortunately not everyone else is of this mindset, and lately, those people have gravitated toward me. Over the past month or so, I have found myself in far too many uncomfortable conversations where people are chronicling their political beliefs to me, in the stupid assumption that I agree, and better yet, even care. I do keep a close eye on politics and do have strong beliefs myself (those of which, you'll never learn from my blog, because I don't do that shit). Many of these uncomfortable situations have passed without note, where I politely nod my head while I'm making my mental grocery list, and the belief-sprewer goes on and on, until I can gracefully change the subject or act like I am having a f*cking heart attack, so they'd shut up and leave me alone.

But one incident in particular absolutely infuriated me, and I still haven't quite been able to shake it. I was at a school working with students when a substitute teacher asked me how the political change or lack of change might affect students' money for college. I immediately saw that this was simply an opportunity for her to pretend to listen to what I had to say and then tell me what she thought (because I care so much I can't sleep at night). To avoid this inevitable ridiculousness, I said, "Who knows?" shrugged, and tried to walk away. However, she caught me in her web of bullsh*t beliefs and had me standing there nodding and trying not to have a panic attack, while she began to tell me of the media-induced lies that she subscribes to. Besides trying to inch myself away toe by toe without her noticing, it wasn't too harmful, until she vomited up the most insane line I've ever heard uttered in public: "And what really makes me mad is when blacks and whites get married."

At this very moment, my face flushed, my fists clenched, and I felt a strong urge to put two fingers on her forehead, push it back as hard as I could, and say, "Hey b*tch, it's f*cking 2012. Maybe you should step your dumbass beliefs into this century." Instead, I interrupted her mid-sentence, mumbled something about being there to do work that I should get back to, and walked away, avoiding her at all costs for the rest of the time I was there.

Newsflash: This is my nephew. Notice anything progressive and awesome about this guy?

He happens to be biracial. His mother is black. His father is white. And all three of them are amazing.

So, during this political season, no matter your opinion, please keep in mind that other people may not agree with you. You don't know them and what their life situation is. As you ramble on about the right to have abortions, they may be struggling to conceive a wanted child of their own. As you complain about people who take advantage of government funding, they may have just reluctantly applied for unemployment benefits. And they may have the most awesome, beautiful, perfect little angel of a nephew who was created by two people that you just said should never have been able to marry. And when in doubt: keep your opinions to yourself.