Gifts and Thankfulness Vol. 2

Gift:

Today, I really, really wanted a nap--since my nap yesterday was a mere 15 minutes. So when I got home and realized Joel was napping, I saw my opportunity. I laid down for a nap and proceeded to be called, texted, or Facebook messaged by everyone I know. CD also asked to go out twice. So we'll say my gift was having Arby's for lunch. Twice in one week. Apparently good mood food it is.

Thankfulness:
1--I am thankful for the little man who stands on the porch on Byers Avenue playing rock music on his Paper Jamz.
2--I am thankful for the man who sleeps next to me each night, and when I wake up at 2am with a pounding headache and sore throat, is right there with medicine and snuggles to make me feel better.
3--I am thankful for my family--both near and far--who stick together through thick and thin. And fight for each other. I will always fight for them too.

Brotherly Love

Let me tell you about my brothers. When we were younger, it was pretty much a love/hate relationship. They loved to make me hate them.

BFFs since 1983

We give family love a bad name

In the summer time, we would beg our mother to let us go out and swim in our above ground pool (clearly, I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth). Knowing us all too well, she would warn that if the boys splashed me in the face, we would all be made to come inside. "Please, pleeeeease don't splash your sister in the face," she'd plea. In a matter of mere minutes, she would hear the familiar sound of my wales because my brothers had almost immediately splashed me in the face rendering me blind and unable to breathe. There was also the time when Kevin and I were drip-drying (again, our extravagant lifestyle didn't allow for beach towels) one evening while Dad was bar-b-quing. Kevin was dipping the brush into the sauce and sucking on the brush (a common practice when Dad was grilling, along with begging for raw hot dogs). As I asked over and over to give me a turn at the brush, Kevin finally turned with a grin on his face, and held the brush out. As I approached for my turn, he swiped the BBQ sauce covered brush through my eyes. Dad had to wash my eyes out with the hose and thus began my first of many bouts of crazy crack eye. Kevin also had many antics he enjoyed at the lake we frequented. I have come up from the water to be met with loogies (or hockers or snot bombs or whatever you want to call them) being projectiled right into my eye. I have come up to find a lump of hard clay being slung directly at my face and landing right between my eyes. It was never-ending. Chris once broke his arm, because he was sitting in a tree spitting on me and Kevin standing below when the branch broke and sent him flying to the ground. He may or may not have totally deserved that.

Our annual wishbone contest...Kevin always wins (read cheats)

In the winter, it was much of the same. We would beg to go out and play in the snow, and Mom would, in turn, plead with my brothers to please, please not throw snow in my face. Minutes after being completely bundled up and herded outside, I'd return to the house, bawling. You see, my brothers weren't throwing snow balls in my face, but yet, they were holding me down, stuffing snow into my boots, gloves, and sides of my hood. I was a Cas-sicle within minutes, and they found it to be hilarious.

To this day, I can't put my head under blankets, because my brothers used to trap me under them and not let me out until I was headed toward certain death. Clearly, they've left quite the mark on me.

The family that parties together stays together

One might think that I hold a grudge against my brothers or maybe that I'm terrified to go near them. On the contrary, my brothers are two of my best friends in the whole world. We are "in it" together and are there for each other when no one else has been. There are moments in my life where I felt like I could turn to no one, and there, standing in front of me with open arms, were my brothers. They have wiped my tears, pep-talked me, and kicked my ass into gear when I've needed it. And no matter what is going on in life that makes me frustrated with them, want to shake them, or want to go tell Mom on them, if they need me, I'm right there by their sides without blinking an eye. I would do anything for those boys, and I know they'd do anything for me.

Our parents are so proud

 

Many people aren't close with their siblings and may go years and years without speaking to them. Chris, Kevin, and I are so lucky to have each other and lucky to know that when we need someone, we can always call each other. I'm honestly not sure what I'd do without those guys, and I hope I never, ever have to find out. 

No, really, I do like him

The cutest kids on the block

Gifts and Thankfulness Vol. 1

Gift to Myself:

Today, I gave myself one whole hour of me time. In that time, I read (no, not a book I've committed to read, but instead one that Jo gave me called Getting in Touch with Your Inner B*tch, and yes, it is as exciting as it sounds), fell asleep, woke up, and read several articles in Psychology Today. Thank you, self. You're welcome, self.

Today I Am Thankful For:

Sweet little man and his sweet little momma

1--Having an amazing job that I would do for free (only if absolutely, positively necessary, and I were a millionaire, though), because I love it that much.
2--Having an SO who can reassure me when I need it, and being comfortable enough to tell him when that is.
3--Getting to spend time with Trina and Levi today. I have missed her so much the last few weeks, and I am hopelessly in love with that little man.

4--I am thankful for Kevin Clark. If you know me, you know we joke about each other being obnoxious. But I truly do love him more than words can say. He deserves all the good things that life can provide.

Bo

Things that Go through My Mind (Or Ramblings of a Mad Woman)

What? You don't spoon your dog whilst wearing a bikini?

1. Why isn't our dog sleeping in our bed anymore? I know that the fact that he sleeps in the bed might be something that most normal people would complain about, but I'm taking it quite personally that he's not interested in snuggling anymore. This is the most cuddly dog you'll ever meet and usually wants nothing more than for me to spoon him all night long (except maybe for Joel to spoon him all night, but Joel's core temperature at night at 167 degrees so that's not happening). But lately he rather sleep on the floor, in his own bed (I know, crazy), or in the bathroom floor than come sleep with us. Maybe it's too hot, but I need to squeeze my feet under his 77 lb body to sleep, and I'm pissed that he won't let me.

2. Why don't I eat Subway salads every single day of my life? They are cheap, delicious, and one salad makes like three meals. But...

3. Why did the Subway girl insist upon putting 800 jalapenos on my salad when I asked to go light on them. I had a total of three tomatoes, three cucumbers, and a small handful of banana peppers, but she called a dump truck in to load on the jalapenos. I'm going to be paying for that one for days.

4. Why don't I have the urge or love of cooking like most normal people with a uterus? I am reading lots of blogs about cooking, and that all sounds great, but I just don't get excited about it. Even when, on a whim, I decide I'll cook for Joel, I end up getting bored and giving up, or I've made such a mess and thrown such a fit that he has to come save the day, or I ask so many questions that my kitchen incompetency becomes hard to ignore, and he takes over. And he's such a great cook that I'm 100% okay with that. And if he doesn't feel like cooking, I'm 100% okay with letting Dave Thomas do it for us. I just didn't get that gene passed down to me.

Our house

5. Why is my hair the consistency of shredded wheat? No matter what I do or try. I have straw hair.

What God put on my head because the hair bin was empty that day.

6. Does someone actually pay me to do what I do for a living? I went on several visits today to see some of my contacts and had such a good time that I find it incredibly hard to call this a job. I'm going to start calling it my past time. And, for the record, I'm going to start calling my work phone my 'bat phone,' because that sh*t's hilarious.




7. I wish Destiny, Jo, Jamie, Erin, Carrie, and Rachel all lived closer to me. On second thought, maybe it's best they don't. I'd never get a single productive thing done ever again.

8. Will I ever write the product review I've been meaning to write since Saturday? I keep sitting down to do it, but my ADD insists upon me writing something else that's usually completely meaningless.

9. What day is it??? (Because I never, ever know. I have said three times today that it's Thursday and had to be corrected.)

10. Do people actually read my blog??? I don't mean this in a self-deprecating way at all, but I'm really shocked I'm getting as much feedback as I'm getting. Several people have talked to me about it and mentioned they read it or commented on it, and I'm like "really???" It's mostly just a fun (read vain) thing that I do, but I love that people are following and actually getting some kind of enjoyment out of it. I am really, really excited about it. (PS--I pinned Joel down after my morning blog and made him confess how excited he was about it. Who wins? Me.) So, as long as you people keep reading, I'll keep writing...and writing...and writing...and writing...

Lucky Number 215

I got up this morning and realized I had 215 page views! I went to bed last night thinking that if I hit 200 page views, I'd start a new, special trend. Seeing the 215 this morning, I knew it was time. You see, I've been keeping a running count of page views. Here's how the conversations have gone:

Me: Baby, I have 48 page views! That's almost 50.
Joel: That's good, baby.
Me: I am really excited about this.
Joel: I see that.

Next day.

Me: Honey, I have 75 page views. That's huge.
Joel: Yup.

Two days later:

Me: Over 100 page views.
Joel: (ignores me)

Last night:

Me: (overly excited) I have 167 page views, honey. Can you believe that????
Joel: That's good, baby.
Me: Are you mocking me?
Joel: No, I think it's great that you're doing this.
Me: Are you as excited about it as me??
Joel: (ignores me)

First thing this morning:

Me: I HAVE 215 PAGE VIEWS!
Joel: Wow.
Me: Are you tired of hearing about this yet?
Joel: No. (gets up and goes to the bathroom, which means, he's tired of hearing it)

But I know that you guys are all as excited as me. So, now for the new addition to my posts.

You see, my girl friends and I always seem to be taking care of other people. And as people pleasers, we always put ourselves last on the list of people to do things for. I'm always pointing out how messed up this is. A few months ago, Destiny and I decided we were going to start giving ourselves gifts every day. It could be anything that we consider enjoyable: a nap, a new nail polish, 15 minutes of reading, doing something other than doing the dishes when we get home from work. Just whatever makes you happy. So I'm going to start including my daily gift on each one of my blogs. I encourage you to leave a comment about what your gift was each day too.

Also, I am always trying to be conscious of things I'm thankful for. I was reminded of this by my friend Sharla's post today. So I'm also going to start including the things I am thankful for each day. Now, besides my constant rambling, you can look forward to seeing the new additions each day. I know you're so excited you can't stand it. Now, keep looking at my page, so I can successfully drive Joel completely crazy.

Why Today was the Best Day Ever

Joel and I watch this guy every night.

So I think today has been one of the best days in a long time. I'm going to explain why but first let me get you the back story. At my job, we only come together for staff meetings once a month. We are in 13 different locations (as satellite counselors) and only really get to see each other at our monthly staff meetings. These meetings are 3 hours away, on Eastern Time, and start at 8:30 in the morning. I have gotten to a point in my life (well, I got there about 7 years ago) where I don't sleep well in foreign places. You see, it's about comfortability. If there's something that makes me comfortable--my own bed, Joel, a belly full of wine--I will sleep like a baby. Without one or more of those things, I stay up all night looking around, shifting, and generally being crazy all night long. So, instead of going up the night before and getting a hotel room like a normal person, I have taken to getting up at the butt crack of dawn and driving to Frankfort before each staff meeting.

So last night, I knew I had to get up early today. Joel made an awesome dinner, I took a short walk, then we laid down to our nightly TV--CBS evening news and The Daily Show. A few minutes into the news, I hear the faint sound of Joel's sleep breath. (This is something he and CD both do. They take long inhales and then blow the air out so quickly and forcefully that their cheeks puff out and their bottom lips quiver. I'm not kidding, they both do it, right before they fall into a deep sleep.) I realize a few minutes later that he has fallen asleep completely. I look at the clock. 7:35. This is not uncommon.

I know I have to get up really early so I will myself to start thinking about going to sleep and decide I probably can after a few minutes of reading. I open blogger and start in on my blogs. Two hours later, still reading, I feel Joel stirring, and he's back up again. Ready to watch a movie. I oblige. Finally, at 11:30-something, I fall asleep.

The alarm goes off at 4am. This is when my great day started. Here are all the amazing things that happened.

--I wake up and actually feel motivated to get a shower. I know that's not a big deal, but I get up so early for my meetings, that I never feel like showering. I'm convinced my coworkers call me Pig Pen behind my back. It's also a really good thing I decided to shower, because I am dangerously close to grease-ball status (thank you, chemical-free shampoo).

Me going to my staff meetings

--Joel woke up and said good-bye to me. Again, doesn't seem like much of a big deal, but you see, we've made an agreement not to wake each other up before we leave. If one of us is sleeping soundly and the other is headed out the door at an ungodly hour, we've agreed it's not super important to wake up for kisses and such. (It does happen that I sometimes wake in a panic thinking Joel has just gone to the bathroom and accidentally stayed in there for three hours and might be lying in there with a concussion, while I snooze away. That is never really what has happened, but that's where my brain goes since he is sweet enough to let me sleep.) However, this morning, as I was grabbing my water and snacks for the day (don't laugh), CD looked up at me and, "Mom, were you really gonna leave without kisses?" So I lean down to kiss him, and at that point, Joel turned over and mumbled, "Have a good day, baby." (I think.) Me: You too, baby. I didn't want to wake you. Joel: (grunts) Me: (kisses him on the cheek and tiptoes out...)

--I had to turn the heat on in my car. It is June. It was freezing this morning. I loved having the heat on and will miss that chilly air when the temps hit 106 this week.

--As I was driving toward Frankfort, there were moments when the huge, rising sun would blind me, and I'd have to guess where the road and the other cars were. At times, it looked as if I were driving directly into the middle of the burning sun. For a minute, I thought maybe I'd died and was being pulled to the light. Then I'd blink and realize I hadn't. And that was a very good thing.

--I got to see my coworkers. I know I'm a huge goober when it comes to my job and coworkers, but I love them all so much. I am motivated and energized by them, and sometimes I feel drunk off joy around them. Sometimes I feel drunk off beer or wine around them. That's usually because we've hit up happy hour.

--My boss brought her adorable new baby, Josie, to the meeting. She is so precious and has more hair on her head than I do. I didn't hold her, though, because I'm trying to cut back.

Jo did hold her. And taunted me with it. 

--My coworker, Bob, brought diet cherry 7up to the potluck. This made my life.

Bob thought Josie was even better than Diet Cherry 7Up

--I won at cornhole--with Shelley. At first we were just playing for fun, but then I got a hole-in-one (right?) and sh*t got real. Then we won, and I felt a strong urge to brag about it (so instead I'm blogging about it).

--I got to hang out for a little extra time with two of my best friends, Jo and Destiny. Jo said in case we were tired, we could rest a little at her house. By rest she, of course, meant drink a few glasses of wine and laugh really hard. I also--after hearing Destiny had a five year professional plan that is incredibly amazing and intimidating--realized my five year plan is not have a nervous breakdown or end up in any kind of facility. We found this to be terribly humorous and laughed for a really long time. Jo's husband, in turn, thinks we are all nuts.

--I almost broke Jo's chair with my big butt. I was literally spreading the plastic rungs apart and slowly inching my way to the ground, rendering the chair useless. She then told me it was just because I hadn't put the cushion on. Then I had another glass of wine.

Please note the indentions my tuckus made. 

--My cousin and bff, Jamie, started a blog! Check her out.

--I discovered my favorite wine--Apothic Red--has a white best friend! Apothic White is my new favorite white wine...and I haven't even tried it.

MMMMMM.

--I heard Baby Got Back, No Diggity, and Funky Cold Medina on the way home. Then I turned on my Pandora 80's station and commenced a Concert de Casi. (Side note: when in the car alone, I believe myself to be a very, very talented singer. That is until my station cuts out, and I suddenly think I've run over a pack of rabid dogs giving birth. Upon realizing it's simply my own singing voice without a mask of sound over top it of, I turn the music up louder and get back to my adoring fans on the highway.)

--I made it from Lawrenceburg to Owensboro in under two hours. I have no idea how that was possible, but it was awesome.

--We had Arby's for dinner. Self-explanatory.

--I'm back on my progesterone! This is a long story, but it has to do with messed up hormones. So two weeks of every month, I use a progesterone cream to make myself not crazy. When I'm not taking this, I sometimes accidentally yell at waitresses for suggesting I eat bread with my dinner or cry when I see a google commercial. When I'm on it, a nuclear bomb could go off in my face and not only would I love it, but I'd say, "Please, sir, may I have another?"

And finally, I am going to be in bed asleep before 9:30. Nothing makes me happier than that. Especially since I had less than five hours of sleep last night, and when using my p-cream, it puts me into a coma anywhere from 8-14 hours a night. But, friends, it's the little things in life that make me happy. And a little hole-in-one, friend/wine time, and a kiss on a cheek sometimes make all the difference.

End-dependence

I have always considered myself a very independent person. I learned to walk on my own, tie my shoes on my own, hell, I even birthed myself all on my own (or is that a made-up memory???). But lately it came to my attention that I am pretty dependent on the SO. He may or may not have pointed that out to me. I didn't take it as an insult, so I'm pretty sure it was meant in a loving, constructive criticism kind of way. I'm always looking for irrational reasons to be pissed off, so if that didn't do it, it must have been very tactful the way he said it. And after he did, I got to thinking.

Hanging out with friends Saturday night

Before I started dating Joel I was single for three years. I lived alone, paid my own bills, worked a job where my supervisor is 180 miles away, and generally kicked ass all the time all by myself. I was the definition of independent. All-in-all, I have essentially lived on my own and taken care of my own things for almost 9 years now. I have traveled alone; I don't mind to eat at a restaurant alone; and some things like working out and shopping, I even prefer to do alone.

Then walks in a relationship. Within the first three months of dating, Joel and I had taken to spending every night together and tried really hard to spend most of our days together. Between work and other obligations, we were always rushing home to hang out with each other. The newness wore off--or he realized I'm actually a little bit more annoying than originally thought--and we settled into a normal time line of spending time together but not hand-cuffing ourselves to each other. A month later, I moved out of my single-gal house and into Joel's. It made so much sense because we loved each other dearly, we spent most of our time together, and we both had a goal of paying off my student loan debt and saving rent money would get us closer to that. I struggled a little bit more with this than I let on at the time, because I've been so used to having my own space. When Joel needed some "me" time, he could go to the farm. When I needed some "me" time, I was hanging out in his house trying to find it. As time passed, I got more comfortable here and now find my "me" time easily in what we consider to be our house.

You'd have a hard time leaving these boys too

But fast-forward 6 more months, and I hear that I'm not the independent, go-everywhere, do-everything girl I used to be. Not only does Joel want that girl back, but I do too. Looking back over the last 10 months, I'm realizing how hard it is to strike that balance. If I go back to the girl who does everything and is always the center of the social scene and constantly making plans and juggling time with all my family and friends, how am I still going to have time for Joel? No one ever told me how hard it would be to find the balance between being in a committed relationship (where--let's be honest--your time gets committed to your person) and being the independent go-getter you have always been.

There's no neat little wrap-up to this post, because I haven't figured out the answer to my question yet. I have spent the last several days catching up with old friends, shopping, laying by the pool, and, believe it or not, spending good, quality time with my SO. We are very happy to see each other after a long day of work or play and our time together the last few days has felt important and meaningful. So maybe I am finding that balance, but, for me, I know it will be a struggle every single day to maintain the independence I so desire and to be the best SO I know how to be.