Why Today was the Best Day Ever

Joel and I watch this guy every night.

So I think today has been one of the best days in a long time. I'm going to explain why but first let me get you the back story. At my job, we only come together for staff meetings once a month. We are in 13 different locations (as satellite counselors) and only really get to see each other at our monthly staff meetings. These meetings are 3 hours away, on Eastern Time, and start at 8:30 in the morning. I have gotten to a point in my life (well, I got there about 7 years ago) where I don't sleep well in foreign places. You see, it's about comfortability. If there's something that makes me comfortable--my own bed, Joel, a belly full of wine--I will sleep like a baby. Without one or more of those things, I stay up all night looking around, shifting, and generally being crazy all night long. So, instead of going up the night before and getting a hotel room like a normal person, I have taken to getting up at the butt crack of dawn and driving to Frankfort before each staff meeting.

So last night, I knew I had to get up early today. Joel made an awesome dinner, I took a short walk, then we laid down to our nightly TV--CBS evening news and The Daily Show. A few minutes into the news, I hear the faint sound of Joel's sleep breath. (This is something he and CD both do. They take long inhales and then blow the air out so quickly and forcefully that their cheeks puff out and their bottom lips quiver. I'm not kidding, they both do it, right before they fall into a deep sleep.) I realize a few minutes later that he has fallen asleep completely. I look at the clock. 7:35. This is not uncommon.

I know I have to get up really early so I will myself to start thinking about going to sleep and decide I probably can after a few minutes of reading. I open blogger and start in on my blogs. Two hours later, still reading, I feel Joel stirring, and he's back up again. Ready to watch a movie. I oblige. Finally, at 11:30-something, I fall asleep.

The alarm goes off at 4am. This is when my great day started. Here are all the amazing things that happened.

--I wake up and actually feel motivated to get a shower. I know that's not a big deal, but I get up so early for my meetings, that I never feel like showering. I'm convinced my coworkers call me Pig Pen behind my back. It's also a really good thing I decided to shower, because I am dangerously close to grease-ball status (thank you, chemical-free shampoo).

Me going to my staff meetings

--Joel woke up and said good-bye to me. Again, doesn't seem like much of a big deal, but you see, we've made an agreement not to wake each other up before we leave. If one of us is sleeping soundly and the other is headed out the door at an ungodly hour, we've agreed it's not super important to wake up for kisses and such. (It does happen that I sometimes wake in a panic thinking Joel has just gone to the bathroom and accidentally stayed in there for three hours and might be lying in there with a concussion, while I snooze away. That is never really what has happened, but that's where my brain goes since he is sweet enough to let me sleep.) However, this morning, as I was grabbing my water and snacks for the day (don't laugh), CD looked up at me and, "Mom, were you really gonna leave without kisses?" So I lean down to kiss him, and at that point, Joel turned over and mumbled, "Have a good day, baby." (I think.) Me: You too, baby. I didn't want to wake you. Joel: (grunts) Me: (kisses him on the cheek and tiptoes out...)

--I had to turn the heat on in my car. It is June. It was freezing this morning. I loved having the heat on and will miss that chilly air when the temps hit 106 this week.

--As I was driving toward Frankfort, there were moments when the huge, rising sun would blind me, and I'd have to guess where the road and the other cars were. At times, it looked as if I were driving directly into the middle of the burning sun. For a minute, I thought maybe I'd died and was being pulled to the light. Then I'd blink and realize I hadn't. And that was a very good thing.

--I got to see my coworkers. I know I'm a huge goober when it comes to my job and coworkers, but I love them all so much. I am motivated and energized by them, and sometimes I feel drunk off joy around them. Sometimes I feel drunk off beer or wine around them. That's usually because we've hit up happy hour.

--My boss brought her adorable new baby, Josie, to the meeting. She is so precious and has more hair on her head than I do. I didn't hold her, though, because I'm trying to cut back.

Jo did hold her. And taunted me with it. 

--My coworker, Bob, brought diet cherry 7up to the potluck. This made my life.

Bob thought Josie was even better than Diet Cherry 7Up

--I won at cornhole--with Shelley. At first we were just playing for fun, but then I got a hole-in-one (right?) and sh*t got real. Then we won, and I felt a strong urge to brag about it (so instead I'm blogging about it).

--I got to hang out for a little extra time with two of my best friends, Jo and Destiny. Jo said in case we were tired, we could rest a little at her house. By rest she, of course, meant drink a few glasses of wine and laugh really hard. I also--after hearing Destiny had a five year professional plan that is incredibly amazing and intimidating--realized my five year plan is not have a nervous breakdown or end up in any kind of facility. We found this to be terribly humorous and laughed for a really long time. Jo's husband, in turn, thinks we are all nuts.

--I almost broke Jo's chair with my big butt. I was literally spreading the plastic rungs apart and slowly inching my way to the ground, rendering the chair useless. She then told me it was just because I hadn't put the cushion on. Then I had another glass of wine.

Please note the indentions my tuckus made. 

--My cousin and bff, Jamie, started a blog! Check her out.

--I discovered my favorite wine--Apothic Red--has a white best friend! Apothic White is my new favorite white wine...and I haven't even tried it.

MMMMMM.

--I heard Baby Got Back, No Diggity, and Funky Cold Medina on the way home. Then I turned on my Pandora 80's station and commenced a Concert de Casi. (Side note: when in the car alone, I believe myself to be a very, very talented singer. That is until my station cuts out, and I suddenly think I've run over a pack of rabid dogs giving birth. Upon realizing it's simply my own singing voice without a mask of sound over top it of, I turn the music up louder and get back to my adoring fans on the highway.)

--I made it from Lawrenceburg to Owensboro in under two hours. I have no idea how that was possible, but it was awesome.

--We had Arby's for dinner. Self-explanatory.

--I'm back on my progesterone! This is a long story, but it has to do with messed up hormones. So two weeks of every month, I use a progesterone cream to make myself not crazy. When I'm not taking this, I sometimes accidentally yell at waitresses for suggesting I eat bread with my dinner or cry when I see a google commercial. When I'm on it, a nuclear bomb could go off in my face and not only would I love it, but I'd say, "Please, sir, may I have another?"

And finally, I am going to be in bed asleep before 9:30. Nothing makes me happier than that. Especially since I had less than five hours of sleep last night, and when using my p-cream, it puts me into a coma anywhere from 8-14 hours a night. But, friends, it's the little things in life that make me happy. And a little hole-in-one, friend/wine time, and a kiss on a cheek sometimes make all the difference.

End-dependence

I have always considered myself a very independent person. I learned to walk on my own, tie my shoes on my own, hell, I even birthed myself all on my own (or is that a made-up memory???). But lately it came to my attention that I am pretty dependent on the SO. He may or may not have pointed that out to me. I didn't take it as an insult, so I'm pretty sure it was meant in a loving, constructive criticism kind of way. I'm always looking for irrational reasons to be pissed off, so if that didn't do it, it must have been very tactful the way he said it. And after he did, I got to thinking.

Hanging out with friends Saturday night

Before I started dating Joel I was single for three years. I lived alone, paid my own bills, worked a job where my supervisor is 180 miles away, and generally kicked ass all the time all by myself. I was the definition of independent. All-in-all, I have essentially lived on my own and taken care of my own things for almost 9 years now. I have traveled alone; I don't mind to eat at a restaurant alone; and some things like working out and shopping, I even prefer to do alone.

Then walks in a relationship. Within the first three months of dating, Joel and I had taken to spending every night together and tried really hard to spend most of our days together. Between work and other obligations, we were always rushing home to hang out with each other. The newness wore off--or he realized I'm actually a little bit more annoying than originally thought--and we settled into a normal time line of spending time together but not hand-cuffing ourselves to each other. A month later, I moved out of my single-gal house and into Joel's. It made so much sense because we loved each other dearly, we spent most of our time together, and we both had a goal of paying off my student loan debt and saving rent money would get us closer to that. I struggled a little bit more with this than I let on at the time, because I've been so used to having my own space. When Joel needed some "me" time, he could go to the farm. When I needed some "me" time, I was hanging out in his house trying to find it. As time passed, I got more comfortable here and now find my "me" time easily in what we consider to be our house.

You'd have a hard time leaving these boys too

But fast-forward 6 more months, and I hear that I'm not the independent, go-everywhere, do-everything girl I used to be. Not only does Joel want that girl back, but I do too. Looking back over the last 10 months, I'm realizing how hard it is to strike that balance. If I go back to the girl who does everything and is always the center of the social scene and constantly making plans and juggling time with all my family and friends, how am I still going to have time for Joel? No one ever told me how hard it would be to find the balance between being in a committed relationship (where--let's be honest--your time gets committed to your person) and being the independent go-getter you have always been.

There's no neat little wrap-up to this post, because I haven't figured out the answer to my question yet. I have spent the last several days catching up with old friends, shopping, laying by the pool, and, believe it or not, spending good, quality time with my SO. We are very happy to see each other after a long day of work or play and our time together the last few days has felt important and meaningful. So maybe I am finding that balance, but, for me, I know it will be a struggle every single day to maintain the independence I so desire and to be the best SO I know how to be.

R-E-A-D A Book!

As a child and teenager, I read voraciously. I could always be spotted with a book in my hand and constantly had scrapes and bruises--not from typical child's play, but for tripping and falling because I would walk around and read without looking up. Even throughout college, I spent my summers immersed in good books. Each summer, I enrolled in our library's reading program, where you got some kind of silly t-shirt that said "I Can Read, Can You?" or "I Read Books. Ask Me What They Are" if you finished 20 books in one summer. I always kept track of my progress, but never cashed in on the XXXL t-shirt that was left when I finally finished the last page of book number 20.

This is me reading as a child. Clearly, I worked for a child modeling agency. 

When I finally started working big-girl jobs and living a big-girl life where you either bring your work home with you each night and weekend or work so tirelessly that you fall asleep before you've made it to page 2 when you sit down to a book, I pretty much gave up reading. I had a bit of a new love for it last summer when I purchased my ipad and wanted to look cool using it--even if lying in my bed alone in my house each night. But lately, I've abandoned my habit once again. Working in outreach, 9 months of our year is completely spoken for with work. We rarely have time to indulge in leisure reading. So far in 2012, I have read one single, solitary book. (Room, by the way, and it was awesome--Joel and I read it together on the plane ride home from Costa Rica.) In the last few weeks, several books have caught my eye, and I am anxious to start not one, but all of them. Since summer is much less busy for my career, I am going to make it a goal to finish all five books before October (I still consider September summer time because it's hotter than Hell outside, and I kind of panicked when I typed that lofty goal). Here is why that goal makes me nervous:

*I fall asleep when I read. In the past, that never happened. But it also never happened that I reveled in the idea of spending a Friday night at home in bed.
*I have a strong addiction to magazines. It's hard for me to start a book when one of my 7 magazine subscription installments is constantly teasing me from the mailbox. Now, if I have the time and energy, I can usually finish a magazine, cover-to-cover, in under three hours. But still, I choose those over books because my attention span isn't what it used to be.
*Lately, I'm obsessed with blogs. I am using up all of my free reading time scouring blogs and learning more about how to make mine the most badass one ever.
*I get overzealous with the books I want to read, start all of them at once, and finally blow up in a reading frenzy when I'm getting characters and concepts all mixed up. Then all of my half-read books end up in a dusty pile by my bed until I finally dump them back in the book-box (because I have only lived here for 6 months, not nearly long enough to have my bookshelf set up--sheesh).

My current "bookshelf"

So, here are the books I'm going to read this summer, and I'm putting it on here so I'll stick to the goal, and so that maybe I'll even be able to give you reviews of them upon completion. Please note--even though I know you all memorized the 'about me' section of this blog--I LOVE self-help books. I have a psychology background and an impending, inevitable future of near-craziness, so self-help books are my anti-drug. Deal with it.

1--Are They All Hanging Out Without Me? by Mindy Kaling. I downloaded this on my ipad when I needed a good laugh and have gotten through a whole 3 chapters. So far, I have laughed out loud a few times and stayed up an hour past when I wanted to continuing to read it. (That's my litmus test for a good book.)

2--The Tools by Phil Stutz and Barry Michels. The subtitle to this book is Transform Your Problems into Courage, Confidence, and Creativity, and that's exactly what I'd love to do. It baulks at modern psychology's inability to help people give up bad habits and anxieties, since today's theoretical framework attempts only to identify your past triggers and work through them. Joel's dad asked for this book for his birthday and asked that we read it as well. We'll all be reading this one together, so I'll put their input on here too.

3--Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by someone famous for writing it. I want to read this one mostly because it's a psychological staple, and I've never read it. I have five brothers, a father, a nephew, an SO, and an array of male friends, so maybe it's about time I realize why they are the way they are.

4--The Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch. This guy is a freaking genius. He also chucks current psychological trends and gives you real tools to help build a strong relationship. I bought the companion CD and have learned so much from it. I have listened to it on repeat while traveling and every time hear something new and exciting that helps me grow. Now, I want to read the book (and because I'm a nerd, probably take notes and talk endlessly about what I'm reading to my friends).

5--A mindless book that I can get a little enjoyment out of. And, no, I don't need or want to read Fifty Shades of Grey. Nothing against the author or people who read and love this book, but those of you who know me understand why I shouldn't read this book. Maybe once the hype dies down, I'll think about it. But probably not. I just want a fun read that I can't put down. One where I'll fall in love with the characters and hold off reading the last chapter because I don't want to say good-bye to them. The three best examples of this are A Thousand Splendid Suns, Summer Sisters, and The Last Time They Met. I want a book that I feel as connected to as these books. And that I'll read over and over, as I have these. So if you have suggestions, I'll take them.


I have my challenge and my task, so maybe this will push me to finish these books. I have a duty to report back to you how awesome these books are or how much they made me think. So, I'll get right on that for you...if I can put down my July copy of Women's Health...

My Chemical Break-Up

Two posts in one day! I bet you just squealed. Okay, maybe it was just me. So, I couldn't resist because my vintage shopping/pseudo green action inspired me to start looking through our bath products. Having had the eye-opening experience of watching the documentary about harmful chemicals in products, I have become a bit obsessed with how we can decrease these. PS--you should totally check out the documentary here. So I went to Target on a mission. Now, here's what you have to know first: (besides, yes, I absolutely broke down and went to Target) one of the most harmful chemicals that we can be exposed to is sodium lauryl sulfate. It is linked to infertility, PMS, breast cancer, as well as an array of other scary sh*t we don't ever want to encounter.

Upon checking out our household products, we found that the exact chemical we want to avoid at all costs is the first or second ingredient listed on almost every single one of our household and bath products. If you actually followed the link and read about SLS, you'll know they use it all the time because it's dirt cheap. Guess what isn't? Cancer. So it's time to start making a change, and I'm starting with the dirty girl in the mirror.

I was actually very surprised at Target's chemical-free product selection. Now, beware of your favorite product brands that just slap the word NATURAL across their bottles. If you take the time to read the list of ingredients, you'll see that the only thing natural about the product is that it's naturally a fib that there's nothing harmful in it. The FDA does not regulate the use of the word natural, safe, or pure on products. It's literally just a marketing ploy. So, I really took the time to weed through the products on the shelves, and this is what I have come up with.

I know it's blurry, but right there, second ingredient, SLS. 

**First: I perused the laundry detergent and dish soap aisle thinking I could just purchase some chemical-free stuff rather than whip it up here at home. BUT the only chemical-free claims I found were from Method and Seventh Generation. I've been an avid Method hand soap user for years, but upon further inspection, all of their products contain SLS. B-A-D. Joel depended heavily on Seventh Generation in Nashville (where it's cool to be green), so I trusted they'd do much better for us. Boy, was I wrong. Not only did the products all contain SLS, but they claim on their packaging that SLS is simply a safe, plant-derived chemical. Think about those words paired together. B.S. Shame on you, Seventh Generation. So I guess it's back to market for 5 gallon buckets and ingredients for home made cleaning products. At least I'll get some awesome guns from all the stirring.

On to the good stuff:

Shampoo and Conditioner: This is a toughie because I have really dry, flat, curly, frizzy, and down-right unruly hair that also happens to be color-treated. Joel has soft, straight, silky beautiful hair (with not a gray in it at 42--the bastard). So, alas, I couldn't settle on just one brand. I did find many that claim to be sulfate-free and many that were awesomely organic yet ridiculously rank. (Yes, apparently, I am addicted to fragrance.) But here were the winners: Burt's Bees Very Volumizing Shampoo and Conditioner with Pomegranate. Smells amazing, the ingredient list reads like a food label, and not too badly priced. $7.99/10oz each (Please remember I'm a product whore and will not blink an eye at spending $32 for 8 oz of shampoo). And because I'm indecisive, I also got Alba Botanica Natural Hawaiian Shampoo in Colorific Plumeria. This smells like a dream, promises to be 100% vegan, and has no artificial colors, parabens (also super bad), phthalates (yup, those too), sodium lauryl OR laureth (SLS's sneaky brother), or sodium methyl sulfate (which I don't what that is--google it). For this, you get 12 oz for $8.29 a piece, and I'll be the first to say I can't wait to get this on my scalp! I just hope I smell like it for the rest of the night, because it's truly amazing.

Face Cleanser: I looked at a lot but this one seemed like the most bang for your buck (6oz for $9.99) and is specifically for sensitive skin (if you so much as think about the skin on my face, I have an allergic reaction). Burt's Bees Sensitive Facial Cleanser with Cotton Extract. I don't really know what cotton extract is but if that's what my face feels like after I use it, I'm in. (I am going to wait on face lotion as I really do break the hell out every time I switch, and I just dropped almost $60 on bliss face lotion with spf 30.)

Acne Control: We can't live without this stuff in the C/O (that's Clark/Osborne) house. Burt's Bees makes a great one. It wasn't the cheapest, but it looks the most legit so we'll try it and see.

Sunblock: Also a staple in our house because we spend so much time outdoors but are terrified of getting burnt or skin cancer. I sprung for Alba Botanica SPF 45 green tea sunblock. We prefer spray (and I may or may not have bought some Neutrogena spray, but I've been reading there's not so much terrible stuff in sunscreen so we'll see). Also this one was way cheaper than Burt's. This was $6.99 and Burt's was a whopping $18.99. Sorry, Burt. Me no likey.

Bug Spray: Again, staple for farm-living. We went with Burt's this time only because he's the only one that makes it, and it was only $7.99. (Side note: Joel bought this stuff online called Swamp Gator that is chemical-free but after one use, we decided it was called that because it smells like it came out of a swamp gator's ass. No thanks.)

Bonus: Evolution of Smooth (EOS) Shave Cream. You can pretty much recognize everything on the ingredient list, and it was a mere $3.29 for 7oz.

Here's the loot!

Okay, that's where I stopped. Partly because I was exhausted from reading all those big words, and partly because I was worried my credit card would get declined. It's a good thing I saved all that money yard saling this morning. And I wouldn't dare total it up for you guys because, frankly, I'm embarrassed at how much I spent on this stuff. But if it takes a little moola to keep us from getting cancer and other miserable diseases, it's worth it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go bathe...au naturale!!

It Ain't Easy Being Green

In our household, we try to be very environmentally conscious. Now, I haven't always had a knack for being green. Always one to keep a close eye on what I consider frivolous spending, I am frugal when it comes to things like turning off the lights when I leave a room and not using too much water. (Right, utilities? Frivolous. New clothes? Necessity.) These days, I call that environmentally conscious; back when I was paying all the bills on my own, I called it cheap. But Joel is the epitome of a green-thinker. At the farm, we are completely off the grid. He installs and uses solar panels, purchases electric appliances and machines when possible, and we grow a garden. I, however, am still learning and aspiring to be the Green Queen I know I can be someday.

Please let me keep them!!

Recently we watched a documentary on chemicals and realized that 90% of the products we use are full of harmful toxins and chemicals. After watching it, I quickly began googling how to make our own non-toxic, all natural laundry detergent, dish soap, fabric softener, hand soap, etc. I'm even pretty excited about it! Now, I do maintain a little bit of my girliness and product-whoreness when it comes to cosmetics. I am currently on the hunt for all natural toxin-free, yet store bought, amazing smelling, works-perfectly-for-my-body/hair/skin-type products. I'll even shell out the extra dough we're saving on cleaning products to pay for the good stuff when it comes to cosmetics. I haven't even ventured into my make-up drawers. Having spent the last seven years splurging on benefit, Smashbox, and Dior, I simply can't bring myself to make my own lip gloss and eye shadow. Yuck. Once I start in my green domestic goddess adventure, I'll be sure to chronicle it here and let you know how life is without Gain, Palmolive, and Soft Soap.

If this is environmentally-unsafe, knock me out cold. 

My favorite kind of being green is what I engaged in all morning. Now, I used to joke that the greenest thing I did was shop vintage. After watching a TED Talk (our newest way to waste away the day--if you haven't seen one, Netflix them. We're believers!) about reusable fashion as a environmentally conscious choice, I knew exactly how I'd be spending my Saturday morning. As if she read my mind, my friend Belva called to see if I wanted to hit up some yard sales this morning. Once I got past the shock of the 6am wake up call, I threw on some clothes and headed out the door, $100 cash in hand. After four hours of intense scouring, this is the damage.

3 sets of King size sheets
1 set of Queen size sheets
1 pair of swim trunks (SO)
1 Coleman Propane burner set for the farm (SO)
2 dresses
1 skirt
2 pairs name-brand jeans
5 shirts
1 very nice winter coat
1 pair shorts (SO)
1 pair hiking boots for the farm
1 sink with cabinets (long story)
1 pint of blueberries and 1/2 peck of peaches (FARMER'S MARKET--yay!!)
2 guitar hero guitars (Jaxon)
3 PS 2 games (Jaxon)
1 pair of pj pants
1 pair of pj shorts

Grand Total Cost: $100 on the nose.


Not too shabby. It looks like I'm well on my way to being the Green Goddess I want to be. Now, if I can just ignore that nagging voice telling me to jump in the car and run to Target...

It Doesn't Matter to Me...Or Does It??

Part of being a grown-up means making decisions. Big ones, little ones, all day long, every day, you make decisions. I have always considered myself a little indecisive. I'm always the girl who says, "it doesn't matter to me," or "makes no difference to me," when asked where I'd like to eat, what I'd like to do tonight, what movie we should rent. And that's the honest truth. Little things like that simply have no long term bearing on my life. So I'm okay with whatever someone else chooses. I can pretty much find pleasure in just about any mundane thing that is chosen for me. But I've always taken pride in being able to make decisions about the big stuff. I chose, all on my own, where I would go to college, what cars I've bought and how I was going to pay for them, and every house or apartment I've lived in. I've chosen what I want to do with my life and when it was appropriate to leave or stay at each one of my jobs. Lately, however, I seemed paralyzed when it comes to decision-making.

I know he looks like a dog but he's actually a rare breed of cuddle-monster. 

Is this a point you reach in life where you've just made too many big decisions so you're simply dried up in the decision-making part of your life? Am I out of decisions? Have I used them all up? Lately I've been faced with several opportunities to make choices. Some big, some small, some HUGE, some in-between. And I have been completely unable to make any of them. I literally go back and forth on every single one of them. I can't seem to come to a solution I'm happy with at any given moment about any given option. Honestly, my knee-jerk reaction is simply to make the decision to lay in bed and do nothing. I know that's not a very grown-up action to take, but currently, it's what makes me feel good. So if you need me, I'll be right here with this guy...^

Countdown to 30

I remember, as a child, I would see women in their element. Mostly of the mid-to-late 20's variety. Out running errands or shopping or doing something uniquely adult, and I would think to myself, "that's what I'm gonna be like one day...a grown-up." Recently I was standing in the u-scan line at Kroger, almond milk, kale, free range organic chicken breasts, and low-fat string cheese resting precariously in my arms while I discussed financial aid with a parent on my work phone. Clad in a clearance rack Ann Taylor Loft dress, sunglasses pushing back my meticulously straightened yet perpetually frizzy hair, perched on one 4 inch black Target heel, I noticed a young, bright-eyed blonde 5 year old gazing at me. I glanced at her and smiled, as she blushed and looked away. I smiled because I understood exactly what she was doing. She was planning to some day be a grown-up like me.

I always remember thinking that when I was 28, I would actually be a grown-up. On my 28th birthday, I woke up, cleaned my house, made my own breakfast, paid three bills, responded to 7 emails, showered, dressed, and left for a 10 hour work day all before 9am. Shortly after I returned home, exhausted, and plopped down in front of facebook, I realized I was officially a grown-up. Ready or not.

This is the nephew I argue with...yeah, he's pretty bad ass.

Let's be completely honest. I don't always act like a grown-up. There are times when I wake suddenly in a panic realizing that there are people who rely on me to be a responsible, dependable adult...and they actually pay me a salary to do so. There are times when I'm babysitting my 7 year old nephew, and I hear myself arguing with him over whether we're going to watch Shrek 2 or Cars (always, always Shrek 2). I sometimes eat M&Ms for breakfast. I sometimes have one too many cocktails and dance inappropriately. There are days I lie in bed and watch Sex and the City or Girls all day and don't feel a bit guilty about it. Sometimes nothing makes me happier than a slumber party with my girls, staying up most of the night laughing until someone finally pees their pants. At which point, we remember we're not in 7th grade anymore, and we fall asleep being pissed off about our 6am wake up call.

29th b-day in Costa Rica with Joel

So I have to come to terms with the fact that although I still feel a little young at heart sometimes, I am a grown-up and have to begin acting like one at some point. Here I am, 8 months from my 30th birthday and wondering what it even means to be a grown-up. I hear lots of people make pre-30 bucket lists. I spent my 29th birthday in Costa Rica and sat down with a pen and paper in attempt to make one of my own. I had asked for suggestions at a gathering my SO (I think boyfriend is, in fact, officially a non-grown term, so from this point forward, I will refer to Joel as...well, Joel, or my SO--significant other) and I had been at earlier in the day. The only response was one girl--31--said, "absolutely, no question, sky-diving!" I responded with a smile and a nod, but what I wanted to say was, "you crazy effing loon, I wouldn't sky-dive with my worst enemy's body." Chucking that suggestion and thinking over the list I'd been trying to make for half an hour, I glanced down and realized it said, "Skinny dip, kiss in the rain..." and that's it. Two things. At which point, I looked up at Joel and said, "hey at some point in the next year, kiss me while it's raining and get me naked in a pool." Done. There's my pre-30 bucket list.

And I'll add this to it. It's always nice to start something and then add it to a to-do list post-hoc. It makes me feel so accomplished. This can be my official countdown to 30 and maybe you guys will humor me reading my ever-too-lengthy attempts at telling my trials and tribulations of adult life and maybe you'll even have a laugh or two.